Saturday, February 25, 2012

Uh, what we miss?

There are times in our lives when the stars align in such a way that circumstances beyond our control happen in perfect order, leaving us standing with our mouths hung open, speechless asking ourselves,

"Did that really just happen?"
Several years ago I asked Boy #2 what he wanted for his 12th birthday and he replied,
"I want one of those T-Shirts that says, 'can't sleep clowns will eat me' in black."

And then he rattled off a list of video games. I'm the one that showed him the T-Shirt because I thought it was pretty damn funny. I ordered it and we got it in time for his birthday. He wore it all the time and received a lot of comments and laughs.
One afternoon I had all three boys with me and we had to stop for gas. The gas station had a Subway in it and we were hungry. But Boy #1 and Boy #3 wanted Burger King which was right next door. I gave them money to buy their beloved cheeseburgers and Boy #2, with his 'can sleep clowns will east me' t-shirt on, and I went into the gas station to order some subs.
The cashier, a young kid probably 17 or 18,
saw the T-Shirt,
"Oh my God, that's too funny." And he called the other employees over to see the T-Shirt. Other customers took a look see also. We all had a good laugh and returned to our designated duties, them working and us ordering subs.
Still with grins on our faces we glanced at the entrance of the store and everyone's face froze. A clown walked in, hand on the bible, honest to God, a clown walked in to use the restroom. I suppose she's used to people staring at her because it didn't phase her that the entire store of customers and employees followed her every move wide eyed and dumb struck.
Once in the bathroom with the door closed behind her we all spoke at once,
"Oh my God."
"That was a clown."
"Did you see that?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"What are the odds?"
And all eyes went to Boy#2 and somebody told him to run because the clown was going to eat him. The laughter ensued. When the clown came out of the ladies room we all whipped our heads back to what we were doing, whistling away and looking up at the ceiling as she made her exit. I stood in front of Boy #2 the whole time, hiding his shirt. No body is going to eat my kid.
That was when Boy #1 and Boy#3 walked in and saw everyone in the store laughing,
"Uh, what we miss?"

Saturday, February 11, 2012

From the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude Files #OMG - WTF

And so it ends my friends, The Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude and her are staying in China. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye. This is truly a sad day for me and my blog. This will be my final Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude post, unless the new Chinese people get a personality.
How can they do this to me? Why would Chinese immigrants leave their communist homeland to live the American Dream and then go back to a one party dictatorship? How does that make sense?
I had heard rumors that they were gone from my mother, who's friend heard that they were gone for good. Refusing to believe, I PM'ed her friends daughter on FaceBook who confirmed the rumor to be true. And then I braved our current blizzard of 2012 to see and hear for myself.
The new Chinese girl and I actually carried on a conversation, she understood everything I said and pronounced my name correctly. So you can see why I'm so upset. My next stop was the liquor store to pick up a bottle of raspberry vodka. I plan to get a good buzz going and read my old From the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude Files posts tonight. I will raise my glass of raspberry vodka and orange juice, which is by far the best booze concoction that has ever past my lips, and toast two of the best characters any blogger can run across.
Farewell my Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude and her, farewell.