Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Fine Line Between Road Construction and Mass Hysteria

Close one more road and I'm popping this SUV into 4-wheel drive and driving on them anyway. Hell, I'll start driving through my neighbors back yards. Getting from point A to point B is becoming increasingly difficult in my neighborhood. I deal with this detour everyday and will do so for the rest of the summer, because some "Powers That Be" decided we need a circle intersection instead of your basic plus sign kind. 50 feet away from that sign is more construction but they just work on it intermittently, when they feel like it, whenever they feel like stopping traffic altogether, whenever they think, "Hey, today would be a great day for a cluster f$&@." (erv, I'm not sending this post to mom and dad's email machine.)
Here's a thought - finish one road before you start another one. And how about calling before you dig, you know before you hit that gas line. I could see my house, but had to double back through the detour, through 3 different cities and around the back way into my development because some retard hit the gas line. I turned around and muttered to myself for about 2 miles before I realized I had a child (the good one) and a dog in that house that I could see from the hit gas line incident. I should have probably asked the nice officer that sent me packing if they were in any danger. Nah, I just call him and alarm him with useless information.
"Hello?"
"Are you still sleeping? It's 2:00 pm are you just getting up?"
"I was playing video games all night."
"Oh, no way. That's not how this summer is going to go."
"Mom......"
"I'm going to start leaving you a list of chores."
"Chores? What, are we living on a farm?"
"You are not going to sleep and play video games all summer."
Silence
"Did you fall back to sleep or has the house blown up?"
"Huh?"
"There's a gas leak up at the corner, make sure my dog doesn't blow up."
"I love you too mom."

9 comments:

Candice said...

"What are we living on a farm?"

LMAO!! I think you ended up with me as a child somehow.

Good luck with that.

Leigh said...

That sounds like something I'd say to my son... To take care of the dogs first... Road construction sucks, they are ripping out the only bridge between our house and town, meaning that we have to go to our hometown which is north of us via a town that is south of us, taking about 45 miles out of our way... I know exactly how you feel!

ReformingGeek said...

Your child is hilarious! I'm glad to know you didn't explode!

Construction is a royal pain here, too. I think all states must employ the same idiots.

DouglasDyer said...

As a former boy who stayed at home during the summer, I advise you to call every day to make sure your dog doesn't blow up. Every day.

Jeff said...

Hey, how'd you end up with my kid?

Way funny. Great post!

Nooter said...

what douglas said...redlev

erv said...

Sue, its not good to keep your feelings bottled up. Tell us how really feel.

Sue said...

Gee thanks Candice!

Leigh - 45 miles! I'd pop a blood vessel every time I drove that far out of my way.

ReformingGeek - No explosions and the dog is fine, please don't encourage the boy.

Doug - You're scaring me.

Jeff - Thank you and I guess all 17 year old boys are made from the same mold.

Nooter - Don't worry, Buckeye is fine.

erv - Uncle Silly Willy and Aunt Fluffy read this blog, I can't write like I talk in my car.

Lunatron (aka Jamie) said...

Wow. 1) It looks like that detour sign goes right through your neighbors Impatiens. 2) A suicide circle? They are called that for a reason. 3) My daughter would have said Aw Dad, are you playing? Sounds like fun times.