Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A fist full of ibuprofen

Priorities, tough little decisions to make while you're obviously running late for work. At the rate I was going this morning I could make one stop. My brain cells, and you know they all don't work together up there, we've discussed this before, my brain cells mulled over whether to stop for Midol or a mocha. Tough decision like I said. I opted to wash down a fist full of ibuprofen and stop for the mocha.
This proved to be a bad decision, the mocha was good, but after my second fist full of the useless ibuprofen it was obvious I needed narcotics. And to make matters worse my brain cells completely forgot about my filter while bouncing around in there thinking of mocha and Midol. So the entire office, plus the shop guys knew I was in dire straights.

"Back away slowly and get me chocolate."
Actually it was kind of nice, no one bothered me and I got a lot of work done.

I scared the service manager and the parts guys offered me Vodka. Then we talked about ice cream, one thing led to another and we invented a PMS Blizzard, narcotics and chocolate laced with Vodka. If that doesn't get rid of cramps nothing will.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Securing my place in Hell

Sometimes you just want to eat your lunch without a deaf-mute stopping by your table grinning and shaking his head yes, trying to sell you a pen for a buck. Besides, he hit me up last week at Dairy Queen, I bought one that time. I had my lunch arranged on my table for one, and that's another post coming soon, the "everything has to be in the right spot before I can eat or I'll freak out post" and the deaf-mute appeared with his pens.
Gah! I'm having a really aggravating week, just give me 45 minutes to eat in peace. So I gave him a look and shook my head no, earning a special place in Hell for people who send deaf-mutes off penniless.
For sometime now I expected to be one of the people raptured, avoiding all the end of times Armageddon stuff. I don't have the stamina to deal with the anti-christ. I'm more of a loner and I'm pretty sure groups are going to have to be formed to deal with all the chaos that will ensue because of all the wrath a God commotion. Damn things were looking up for me until the deaf-mute starting making the rounds in the areas fast food joints. Ah jeez, he's probably been sent to weed us out. Save yourselves and buy a pen for a buck.