Monday, February 22, 2016

An open love letter to Nyquil

My dearest Nyquil,
You wonderful, magical, green elixir of slumber juice. I love you. At the moment I felt the plague creep into my body I went to you, in my medicine cabinet. But alas, you were not there. I was a fool to think I could go on without you. But I did.
For days I suffered until I could take it no more. I searched for you in the personal care aisles of WalMart. There you were waiting for me. My trembling hand reached out to you and gently placed you in my shopping cart. We made to the checkout line and bells went off as my cashier swiped you. The fact that you must be 18 years old to take you home made you all the more alluring.
You are the only one that can set my snot on fire. You are the only one that can knock me on my ass in mid-sentence. You are the only non-narcotic drug for me. That night I slept, better than I had in days. Although I awoke in my neighbors back yard, I was fully rested. Thank you my darling Nyquil. We shall never part again.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Guess what's in the package

When I came home from shopping today I grabbed the mail. There was a package in there. Huh. I didn't remember ordering anything. I deduced that it had to be for Boy #3. I wrestled my mail, my cup of mocha, some of my groceries and said package into the house. Upon further investigation, actually looking at the recipient label, it had daughter-in-law #2's maiden name on it. Huh. She had lived here at one time so it wasn't a big surprise.
After unloading this weeks provisions, extra provisions, in case it never stops snowing, I called daughter-in-law #2. Boy #2 answered,
"Why are you calling my wife and not me? Don't you care about me anymore?"
My response,
"I do care about you, I love you. I just overlook you now because you harbor my beloved grandson and I received a package for your wife."
In the background I could hear grandson #1 babbling and cartoons on the TV. Boy #2 asked me,
"A package? What's in it?"
"Well it isn't see through and I didn't open it. But it's in an envelope."
"Who's it from?"
"Uhhh, it just says VS."
"B what?"
"V as in Victor, S as in Sam."
"C what?"
If you know this kid of mine, then you know this would have gone on forever but I nipped it in the bud,
"I know you're doing this on purpose, tell your wife I have a package over here."
I must have been on speaker because I heard daughter-in-law #2 ask,
"What's in it?"
Boy #2 asked me what it felt like. I really had no particular plans for the rest of the day so I played 'guess what's in the package'. I started to feel up the envelope,
"Okay, I want to say it's clothing because it's soft. But wait. There's a hard thing in there, like a wire. It's U-shaped. Oh there's another one. Could it be under-wire? I think it's a bra. It's a bra. There's a bra in this package."
And I heard daughter-in-law #2 say,
"Oh that's right, I remember ordering it now."
Boy #2 said,
"VS as in Victoria Secret?"
Who doesn't love a good mystery? I told boy #2,
"I'll have your brother drop it off after work one day this week."
"Yeah mom. Have my brother drop off my wife's bra."