An open love letter to Nyquil

My dearest Nyquil,
You wonderful, magical, green elixir of slumber juice. I love you. At the moment I felt the plague creep into my body I went to you, in my medicine cabinet. But alas, you were not there. I was a fool to think I could go on without you. But I did.
For days I suffered until I could take it no more. I searched for you in the personal care aisles of WalMart. There you were waiting for me. My trembling hand reached out to you and gently placed you in my shopping cart. We made to the checkout line and bells went off as my cashier swiped you. The fact that you must be 18 years old to take you home made you all the more alluring.
You are the only one that can set my snot on fire. You are the only one that can knock me on my ass in mid-sentence. You are the only non-narcotic drug for me. That night I slept, better than I had in days. Although I awoke in my neighbors back yard, I was fully rested. Thank you my darling Nyquil. We shall never part again.

Read This, It's Short

Is this some kind of record setting allergy season? Some kind of banner year, an urban legend? A year where the official pollen count is off the charts? Has an allergen been released in the air by insurgents to make the US population sneeze until we are rendered idiots?
I have been sneezing continually for about, hell I don't even remember. I'm already an idiot. If I'm not sneezing I am so congested that not even a wisp of air can sneak past my stubborn snot. I attempt to suck air into my nostrils and my nose squeaks. Squeaks.
Are we not suppose to be still reaping the benefits of the 'first frost'? Or was my mother right when she told me I need to dust more often then just when I'm having company?

I can't think of a title because I have a headache

I went to the pool today to clear my brain. It has been floating in snot for days and I fear I may have been rendered an idiot. So the thought of being poolside appealed to me and my latest sinus cavity invasion.
I planned to set up in my spot, doze off on a reclined pool chair and pretend I hadn't a care in the world. The first obstacle towards this nirvana was that the lifeguards had the radio on just a little too loud and I found myself singing along with most of the songs. Then in came the Russians, new ones. They started with their Russian conversations right when Highway to Hell came on the radio. Does anyone know how to say 'world domination' in Russian? Honestly they could have been playing Marco Polo or discussing they're plans for us unsuspecting Americans once they took over Northeast, Ohio. There was no way to tell what they were up to.
The combination of snot, good tunes on the radio and Russian speak had my brain bopping around and slamming against my skull like a bobble head doll on the dashboard of a beat up old pick up truck, traveling the back dusty roads to the nearest water hole. I am an idiot.
I only stayed another half hour then went home. I took a shot of Nyquil, during the day, because I'm a rebel that way. I'm doing my best to record this afternoon in this post but if it comes out Russian, I don't think I should be held responsible.

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This is my 800th post on this blog. Send me presents.

Snot Preparedness Process

Everyone in the house was sick, they went down one after the other, except me. I remained snot free. I thought I was in the clear until yesterday. I now have a head full of snot. Being the number one caregiver in the house because no one else will do it and because it's in my nature to tell people what to do, I must take care of myself.
I have my beloved Nyquil so I'm not worried. But to make life easier and to keep from getting out of my warm bed in the middle of the night, over the years I've perfected a snot preparedness process before going to bed.
On my windowsill I place some tissues, a small glass of water and nasal spray. So when I wake up not being able to breath through my nose my tissues are right there so I can blow. Then I have a glass of water for the dry mouth I have from breathing through my mouth. Then I can snort the nasal spray, clearing my nasal passages without getting out of bed.
I urge you to try my system as I think it's a pretty good plan unless you have to pee. One warning though, I found this out the hard way. If you are immersed in the throws of a raging cold or the flu and your thought process is affected or you are working on a good Nyquil buzz, leave the nasal spray in the bathroom. This is why:
Half asleep in the middle of the night, not able to even recall the names of my children, I grabbed the nasal spray. I broke protocol and went right to step 3. I didn't even lift my head off my pillow, shoved the upside down bottle up my nose and shot the liquid straight to my brain. It burned my sinus cavities on the way. Once in there it dislodged several brain cells, rendering me an idiot. The brain cells are still in there slamming against the inside of my skull wondering what the hell happened. My eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets and I'm quite certain smoke came out of my ears. After the initial thrust into my brain the liquid then flowed down the back of my throat, scorching my esophagus as it made it's way to my stomach where it settled only to make me nauseated. At that point I had to get out of bed to first throw up and then to make sure everything on my face was where it was suppose to be. I was happy to see my eyes still in their sockets. But I looked like hell. I made myself worse.
I hope I've helped some of you during this cold and flu season. Oh and don't tell my mom about this post, she gets mad when I say snot.

Snot

Okay so the over the counter stuff isn't working. The snot is still suck up in my head and sucking all the fun out of my day to day activities. I'll have to break down, hand over the co-pay to see the doctor and hope the fist full of prescriptions are on the first tier of our medical insurance plan. And hope I get the whole thing taken care for $50 dollars or less.
Posting on my blogs has been a challenge. I have great ideas but they are getting caught up in the snot swimming around my brain or all together forgotten once the sinus medicine takes effect. Some day I hope to be able to retrieve them before my head explodes. I'm looking forward to the day that I can bend over and I'll be sure that my eyes will stay in their sockets. Because right now I have to check and make sure they are still there when I straighten up.