Thursday, March 01, 2012

Snot Preparedness Process

Everyone in the house was sick, they went down one after the other, except me. I remained snot free. I thought I was in the clear until yesterday. I now have a head full of snot. Being the number one caregiver in the house because no one else will do it and because it's in my nature to tell people what to do, I must take care of myself.
I have my beloved Nyquil so I'm not worried. But to make life easier and to keep from getting out of my warm bed in the middle of the night, over the years I've perfected a snot preparedness process before going to bed.
On my windowsill I place some tissues, a small glass of water and nasal spray. So when I wake up not being able to breath through my nose my tissues are right there so I can blow. Then I have a glass of water for the dry mouth I have from breathing through my mouth. Then I can snort the nasal spray, clearing my nasal passages without getting out of bed.
I urge you to try my system as I think it's a pretty good plan unless you have to pee. One warning though, I found this out the hard way. If you are immersed in the throws of a raging cold or the flu and your thought process is affected or you are working on a good Nyquil buzz, leave the nasal spray in the bathroom. This is why:
Half asleep in the middle of the night, not able to even recall the names of my children, I grabbed the nasal spray. I broke protocol and went right to step 3. I didn't even lift my head off my pillow, shoved the upside down bottle up my nose and shot the liquid straight to my brain. It burned my sinus cavities on the way. Once in there it dislodged several brain cells, rendering me an idiot. The brain cells are still in there slamming against the inside of my skull wondering what the hell happened. My eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets and I'm quite certain smoke came out of my ears. After the initial thrust into my brain the liquid then flowed down the back of my throat, scorching my esophagus as it made it's way to my stomach where it settled only to make me nauseated. At that point I had to get out of bed to first throw up and then to make sure everything on my face was where it was suppose to be. I was happy to see my eyes still in their sockets. But I looked like hell. I made myself worse.
I hope I've helped some of you during this cold and flu season. Oh and don't tell my mom about this post, she gets mad when I say snot.


ReformingGeek said...

I will be sanitizing my laptop after reading this post.

You're a mad woman! I'm sure I would drown on nasal spray.

I hope you feel better soon!

Relax Max said...

This is a disgusting post. It offended my delicate sensibilities. Why did you include "nasal spray" in your labels? Do you REALLY think anyone you care about is going to google that term and land on your blog? Anyone you would want to land on your blog, I mean?

Snot was ok. I have searched that word a couple of times. Your picture did come up. I kept misspelling snort, actually.

Symdaddy said...

Ya gotta love snot!

It's the most written about subject in the blog-i-verse and, I have to admit, one of my own pet subjects!

Sue said...

Carol - Yes I did feel a little like I was drowning.

Relax Max - It's the cold and flu season, I can gain new readers by mistake.

Symdaddy - Snot, dog poop, they are all fair game.

AFord said...

Hmm...great idea! Also, hat tip @ your winsome sense of humor, Sue. Hope you are feeling much better.

Sue said...

AFord - How nice of you to wander over to my humor blog also. No I'm not better yet! And pissed off about. Probably going to the doctor although I've already diagnosed myself with a sinus infection.