I can't see, I just can't see

I waited long enough, Blogger is not going to retrieve my lost post, I must recreate it. That sucks.
I think it all started at the eye doctors, yes, I remember. When she puts that eye glasses making contraption in front of your face and says, "Does it look better now or now, now or now?" That is the only time I can actually see. Once she gives me the contacts that are suppose to make me see the world in a whole new light, it goes downhill from there.
And just so we are clear, not seeing clear, but clear on the fact that Erv got bifocals before me, one week before me, so I'm aging better than him obviously.

"Here's what I'm going to do," says my eye doctor. "Your left eye's astigmatism is worse, I'm going to adjust that and the astigmatism in you right eye is hardly there anymore."

"Wha.."

"I'm going to give you a regular lens for the right eye with a bifocal. With the left eye you will still have the lens for reading and the right eye will be for seeing far but you'll have that extra help to see close up."

"Okay." She kept saying I was going to see, so I agreed with her.

"Go put these samples in and make a follow up exam, any problems call me before Monday, I'm going on vacation."

Here's the thing I couldn't see and the other thing, kind of funny when you think of it, I had to renew my driver's license in less than a week.
"I can't see." I explained to the eye doctors office worker.
"We can get you in Wednesday at 10:00 am."
"Nope, I work."
"How about Saturday at 8:30 am?"
"Nope, I sleep."
"Ma'am, she's going on vacation."
"Okay, I guess I just won't see until my follow up exam, precious."
The next day I called again and explained that I couldn't see and the doctor said if I had any trouble to call, I'm having trouble and lots of it. She put me on hold, came back and said the doctor will have a new set of trial lenses waiting for me to pick up. I couldn't see with the newer ones either. WTF! I put my old contacts in and took my chances at the DMV. I was asked if my address was the same, height, weight of course my weight is the same as when I was 16, duh.
"Will you move over to the eye exam please? Right eye first, okay read line 4 on the right side."
"L P H E"
"Good, remember to let me know when you see the flashing lights."
"Oh, I saw them, sorry I forgot."
"Read line 3 on the right."
"H T S I" and I waved my Spirit Fingers when I saw the light.
"Good, let's go to the left eye, read line 4 on the left."

I waved my Spirit Fingers and squinted, "Okay here's the thing."

"Mono vision?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"We get you kind of people all the time."