And that’s how you get a speeding ticket
This is a re-run from Divine Caroline: Here
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I'm trying to get my writing ducks in a row, a plan of action so to speak. The online line magazine Skirt is no longer using bloggers on their site. So I've been re-reading some stuff on Divine Caroline, where I haven't posted in some time because they changed things around too. Basically I'm trying to get my shit together.
Here is the re-run:
“Everyone have his jock strap on?”
I looked in the rear view mirror at my three boys, they failed to see the humor in my question so I revised it,
“Seat belts? Got your seat belts on?”
I heard a chorus of affirmative responses. I was forced to buy those
jock straps because my husband forgot so I was going to make sure they
wore them to every baseball game on our busy baseball schedule. Besides
at some point in my life I expected grandchildren.
“Before we leave this driveway, think hard and make sure you have everything you need, we have no room for error.”
I had three of them playing baseball that summer. This particular
evening the two older ones had a game at the same time in 2 different
cities. I had to be in two places at the same time. The planning for
this day started three days earlier and I think math was involved. Drop
the middle on off first in our city because his coach is always there
early. Take the oldest to the neighboring city where my husband would
meet me after he left work. Go back to the spot you dropped off the
middle boy, sit and enjoy the rest of the game.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
Jesus, Mary and Joseph the youngest had to pee. Days of planning blown
all to hell because of one simple sentence. I heard myself say,
“Are you sure?”
Of course he was sure, one of them always had to go. My response was an
automatic, unbelievable plea, a meek reflex utterance. I froze in my
seat, wide eyed.
“Mom?”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a second to regain my senses. There, I got
them back, I went into action. Got out of the car, opened the back door.
Grabbed the youngest one from the middle of the back seat, looked at
the other two and said,
“Don’t move, stay where you are, we’ll be right back.”
We ran to the front door and I ran back to the car for my house keys.
The plan was crumbling. By the time we got back in the car I had some
serious time to make up. I’m not going to tell you that I broke the laws
of physics driving down the long stretch of road on our way to the
first baseball field because I did have my whole reason for living in
the backseat and would never jeopardize my babies for a couple baseball
games. But I did push it a little more than I should have. And that’s
when I saw the flashing lights behind me.
“Uh guys? We have to make a stop.”
A round of protests began.
“There is a policeman behind us and we have to stop. Everything is fine just be quiet while I talk to the nice officer.”
Oh please let him be nice.
“Ma’am can I see your license and registration please?”
I complied.
“Did you know you were going 42 in a 25 miles per hour area?”
“Really, it’s 25 here?”
“Yes ma’am. And did you know your license plate tags are expired?”
“Expired?”
“Yes ma’am. Technically I could have your car towed right here, but I’m just going to give you a couple tickets.”
So he was a nice officer because he didn’t leave us on the side of the
road. Probably because of the two wide eyed boys in the back seat and
sandwiched between them their crying little brother. In a more desperate
situation I probably could have got them all to cry but I decide to
play fair. And we were on our way to their baseball games, there’s no
crying in baseball.
I took a deep breath while I waited for the nice officer to write my
tickets. I calmed the youngest down and resigned myself to the fact that
we were going to be late to both games and during the traveling from
baseball field to baseball field I would be driving illegally.
I dropped the middle one off in the parking lot and waved the tickets in
the air at the coach then went to the next field. My husband and my
oldest one's coach were standing by the field talking to each other as I
arrive. They had puzzled looks on their faces and I again waved the
tickets in the air, told my husband I didn’t want to talk about it and I
drove back to the first field.
Once there I set up my lawn chair a little further down the left field
side than usual, sat down and pulled my youngest onto my lap. I took a
deep breath and kissed the top of his little blonde head.
“Mom?”
Here come the many questions I was expecting.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
1 comment:
Best made plans of mice and Sue.
Hee Hee, gotta pee. That's me!
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