You know he loves you when .........

1. You wreck a loaner car and he now lovingly refers to you as "Crash." Yeah we can laugh about it now.

2. You come home from your hair appointment and he says, "I like your hair" before he even sees it!

3. He gets home from work, takes one look in your eyes, realizes "you've had a day" asked what's for dinner, you say tuna fish sandwiches and he says, "Great, can I have three with chips?"

4. He notices three small red marks on his leg, all the same size, evenly spaced, he concludes that the aliens took tissue samples last night and suggests you to check your legs for the same marks.

5. He sends you one dozen red roses to work because he knows you won't tell anyone there that it's your birthday and he wants everyone to know you're another year older.

No, it isn't my birthday, that was in May, but the other 4 things all happened yesterday and I wanted to round off my list at five.

Not While You Are Living Under My Roof

"So when exactly is the last time you saw Champ?" The husband asked Boy #1.
"Wednesday."
"Wednesday? Son, today is Monday."
"Yeah."
"You haven't told your wife of less than a year that there's a snake loose in the house?"
"Do you think I should? I know I should, but I thought I would have found him by now."
Now that there is a perfect example of why we parents say, 'Not while you are living under my roof, I don't care what you do when you move out.'
While the husband is telling me about this conversation, my feet involuntarily moved up onto my chair and I got the heebie jeebies. Sensing my fear, "You know, snakes have been known to crawl up through the plumbing, right out of the toilet. You be careful when you get up in the middle of the night to go." His Sleep Apnea and Restless Leg Syndrome aren't enough to keep me up at night, he's got to pile it on.
When Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 came over, I took the boy over to the side and asked if Champ came home yet.
"No."
"Does the wife know?"
"Yes."
"Can I blog about it?"

________________________________

If anyone knows how to lure a corn snake out of it's hiding place, by all means please leave info in a comment. The poor kids worried about his snake, oh and there is a minor obstacle, they have two dogs.

The Mocha, The Husband and The Dog

All contributors to my God-awful nights sleep last night, those three. I finally racked up an expense on my Starbucks gift card at the mall. Starbucks probably uses more caffeine than the gas station mocha, because I was hopped up. The husband decided to sleep diagonally in the bed instead of horizontal, our feet shared the exact same spot and that really sucks because he has Restless Leg Syndrome. Around 3:00 am he was done playing footsie and rolled over, this is when the dog decided she had to pee. I can think of maybe 3 other times she's had to go out in the middle of the night, so this was a special occasion. I had just successfully maneuvered the husband to the other side of the bed, so I got up to let her out, so's not to disturb him.
Before I continue, Darryl, don't comment about me putting the dog out in the cold to pee when I've only had two hours and 45 minutes of sleep the night before. Sorry pal.
3:00 am the dog sees a deer across the street, you can just imagine the kind of noise that's going to make. Barking was involved with a whole lot of swearing. She peed and I reeled her back in. She was outside maybe 2 minutes tops Darryl, buddy.
Now any self-respecting wife of 23 years can, without batting an eye, blame all of this on the husband. And I would, except today is his birthday. I'm going to have to suck this one up.

Blue Sock, Black Sock, Left Sock, Right Sock

After 23 years of marriage, I still can't undo what his mother did to him. The idea of putting one dirty sock inside the other so they remain a "set" until wash day just represents more work for me. With three boys and a husband I sort laundry with a surgical mask, rubber gloves and a set of plastic tongs. Undoing smelly, dirty socks is something I didn't sign up for. I would rather they left the house with un-matched socks.

"You know I had an important meeting today and noticed I had on one blue sock and one black sock."
"You didn't go over to your mother's did you?"

He never puts them in the hamper anyway. Two days ago, I shuffled out for my morning coffee and found a pair of rolled up socks on the kitchen counter. Just to mess with his head I unrolled them and put one in the hamper, left the other one right where I found it.

Did He Just Dis' Me?

Yes, the joys of parenthood came to a crashing halt when I opened the cell phone bill. Events spiraled out of control as I investigated the added charges.
Boy #2 received, from mommy and daddy, a new phone for his birthday last month.
"What's this megabytes charge?" I asked Boy #3, because he's the all knowing, 21st century, techno terminology guru in the house.
"It's memory."
"Oh................ Well, why is his $62.38 and yours is only a $1.99?"
Boy #3's eye's lit up and he grinned, that 'I didn't do it this time' grin.
The birthday phone came with a free month of internet, and that's it, I didn't sign anything.
"I'm calling about this charge."
As the evening progressed the husband barely showed interest, just an occasional glance over the newspaper.
When finally I got a human on the other end of my land-line, I explained, "I'm calling about my bill, it's a little higher than usual."
At the other end, I heard, "Wow, $842.56."
"Whaa..... no. $62.38."
"Ma'am, your bill is currently $842.56. It's from the internet usage."

"But.................$842.56? Could you hold on a sec? Go get your brother, tell him to stop using his cell phone, tell him to turn it off now!"
That's when the husband decided to get involved.

I couldn't get through to the woman on the other end of the phone that this was impossible, the best she could do for me was take off 25%.
"I have to call financial services and see if I can get a payment plan." I told the husband.
"Give me the phone."
By the time he got off the phone he had the entire $842.56 credited to our account.
"How did you do that?" I said in utter disbelief.
"All I did was introduce logic into the conversation."
"Kids, leave the room, mommy's going to hurt daddy."

Double Secret Probation

I put the dog on double secret probation last night. If you look closely at the picture you can see what my comforter use to look like, before the dog ripped all the stuffing out of the hole she tore down the middle of my comforter that matches my curtains. The hole is completely through and there was a small garbage bag full of the cotton stuffing all over my side of the bed. My side of the bed, because amazingly enough the husband was asleep when the dog decided to kill my comforter. While I was at it, I put him on double secret probation too.
"I guess I have to buy you a new comforter, huh?"
"Oh yeah, this is going to cost you."
The dog is so lucky she's cute.

Student Specialist in Car Insurance

I remember when our boys were babies, the husband and I were watching TV one summer evening when we heard a big bang in the front yard. He was closest to the door and I was closest to the phone, “Call the police!” We didn’t have 911 back then. Some teenage girl drove into the telephone pole in front of our house. I remember the look on her fathers face when he got to our house, after he found out she was all right. He looked at us and said, “Just wait until you have teenagers.” I suppose that is why they have sites that specialize in student car insurance. There is cost u less insurance to save frazzled parents some money!