Remember the time we got locked in the nursing home and you freaked out?

It was a few years ago but damn it was funny. Mother-in-law had hip replacement surgery and had to convalesce in a nursing home for 3 weeks. Boy #2 and I went to visit her the day she was put in. It was later in the evening because we had to go to a school thing first.
The two of us walked in, the door shut behind us and then we saw the sign informing us of the visiting hours.
"Huh, we're late. Maybe they'll let us in since it's her first day."
In the lobby we were alone in dim lighting, office doors closed, no receptionist and a hustle and bustle going on beyond the swinging hospital doors which were locked.
"Huh, there are nurses there but they don't see us, I guess we'll have to come back tomorrow."
Boy #2 went to the front door that wouldn't open. "It's locked? Mom, it's locked."
I had to try it too, yep locked. At that time the ominous hospital door handle started to jiggle, we slowly turned around like they do in a horror movie. The jiggling grew stronger and a feeble, boney hand slowly rose up to the window, it's fingers tapped, tapped, tapped. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, tap, tap, tap. Boy #2 tried the door again with a renewed sense of urgency.
"One of us has to go to that door and get a nurses attention. And I'm pretty sure it has to me since you watch way too much TV and you've written us off already."
He sat on the couch and put his head in his hands.
"Look, there's a video camera monitoring us, wave your hands in front of it and get someones attention, I'll deal with death on the other side of this door."
He did as he was told, jumping up and down waving at the camera, mouthing the word HELP!
I went to the hospital door and slowly peered down through the window to find a little old lady in a wheel chair mouthing the word HELP. I asked her to get a nurse but she had a different agenda - escape.
Finally a nurse spotted me, she looked annoyed. "Visiting hours are over."
"We'll leave happily if you would just open the front door, it's locked, we're locked in."
She rattled off a security code and left. Oh there's a security key pad. Boy #2 and I stood in front of it, "What was that number again?" Fear had taken a strong hold on Boy #2 and he recited the number without hesitation.
"You can remember an eight digit number but can't remember to put you socks in the hamper?"

Dreams, Death and Birth

It all merges into one in this family I married into. We arrived at my sister-in-laws house Easter evening, we greeted everyone and my sister-in-law pulls me aside and says, "Mom had her dream."
"Noooooooo!"
You could see a hint of fear in every female of the families face.
The dream, let me explain, my mother-in-law will have a vivid dream of "Uncle Chub's" farm. Uncle Chub is dead, the farm has been sold and whenever Mom dreams of him and the farm someone in the family ends up pregnant.
My dear brother-in-law tried to put us all at ease, "Jessie's pregnant."
My niece shoots that down with, "Dad, you know it doesn't work that way, it's one of us."

Back when we had two boys, the husband and I took a trip, alone, to Atlantic City. A few days before our departure Mom told us she had the dream and she told us with a little twinkle in her eye. "It" was on it's way any day, safely pack in my suitcase were maxi-pads, "It's not me." On our way home with the maxi-pads still packed, I told the husband, "Stop at the drug store, I have to buy a pregnancy test."
"Oh God."
Getting out of the car I asked, "Do you need anything?"
"Alcohol."
On my way into the drug store I muttered, "If I have to stay sober for the next nine months, he's going to too."
It was positive. The husband and I out-numbered ourselves, it was us against them and the chaos ensued.

I knew for certain that it wasn't me this time, but that doesn't put me at ease, I have three post pubescent boys. Quickly in my head I was trying to figure out my odds, while shooting "the exorcist" looks at them. The entire immediate family wasn't there, but I wanted to know, "All right, someone is pregnant, and I want to know who it is."
And all I heard was a chorus of, "It's not me."