I don't know dear
When the husband told me our brother-in-law feed his black lab a bowl of chili, I said, "What was he thinking?"
"I don't know dear."
"I can't even imagine the smell, don't even want to think about it."
When the husband left about a dozen beef jerky sticks out on the table next to the couch last night, I said, "What were you thinking?"
"I don't know dear."
"Has she deposited any of it yet?"
"I don't know dear."
I found out the answer to that question on our walk tonight. I try to plan dog walks right after I know she's taken a crap. But a dog full of beef jerky is unreliable, that's a fact you have to face. I went on the walk anyway. Had my plastic bag in my pocket after careful inspection for holes on the bottom. None. I laugh at people that walk their dogs, leash in one hand and bag of poop swinging in the other. Yet still off I went on a long walk to my parents house. Not even half way there, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me, damn it, gambled and lost big time." And I continued to mutter. "Now I have to pick up your poop, you know food in a plastic wrapper is people food, you didn't have to eat that. Oh my God, do you smell that? Don't you moved, let me get this bag, sit."
We continued on our walk, leash in one hand and the other swinging a bag of dog poop. Why do I still smell it? I tied it up in a tight knot. Oh, I see, there's a small hole in the top part of the bag and the poop smell with a hint of beef jerky is escaping through that very small hole. Wonderful. There has to be some place I can get rid of this. My eyes darted around the neighborhood, too risky, too many people out. Son of a bitch.
We made it to mom and dads for our visit and mom got the dog a bowl of water and me, two more plastic bags. One for on the way home and one to double bag the poop. Mom did not offer to let me dispose of the double bagged and knotted poop, so I walked home with it. She was mortified I came over with the bag in the first place, there was no way she was going to take possession of it even if it was put in the garage and trash day is tomorrow. Go figure.
Got home and told the husband that his dog pooped out his beef jerky and I carried it home. "You know she ate it and you still took her, what were you thinking?"
"I don't know dear."
"I don't know dear."
"I can't even imagine the smell, don't even want to think about it."
When the husband left about a dozen beef jerky sticks out on the table next to the couch last night, I said, "What were you thinking?"
"I don't know dear."
"Has she deposited any of it yet?"
"I don't know dear."
I found out the answer to that question on our walk tonight. I try to plan dog walks right after I know she's taken a crap. But a dog full of beef jerky is unreliable, that's a fact you have to face. I went on the walk anyway. Had my plastic bag in my pocket after careful inspection for holes on the bottom. None. I laugh at people that walk their dogs, leash in one hand and bag of poop swinging in the other. Yet still off I went on a long walk to my parents house. Not even half way there, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me, damn it, gambled and lost big time." And I continued to mutter. "Now I have to pick up your poop, you know food in a plastic wrapper is people food, you didn't have to eat that. Oh my God, do you smell that? Don't you moved, let me get this bag, sit."
We continued on our walk, leash in one hand and the other swinging a bag of dog poop. Why do I still smell it? I tied it up in a tight knot. Oh, I see, there's a small hole in the top part of the bag and the poop smell with a hint of beef jerky is escaping through that very small hole. Wonderful. There has to be some place I can get rid of this. My eyes darted around the neighborhood, too risky, too many people out. Son of a bitch.
We made it to mom and dads for our visit and mom got the dog a bowl of water and me, two more plastic bags. One for on the way home and one to double bag the poop. Mom did not offer to let me dispose of the double bagged and knotted poop, so I walked home with it. She was mortified I came over with the bag in the first place, there was no way she was going to take possession of it even if it was put in the garage and trash day is tomorrow. Go figure.
Got home and told the husband that his dog pooped out his beef jerky and I carried it home. "You know she ate it and you still took her, what were you thinking?"
"I don't know dear."
3 comments:
What was I thinking? I should have read this last night instead of this morning, right after breakfast.
May you have a poop-free day.
I used to walk my dog in the dark of night so I didn't have to mortify myself by picking up dog shit, and then carrying it around in public. I just left it in some strangers yard as a surprise.
I rock, I know.
Carol - Next time I'll put a poop alert warning. And it was a poop-free day.
Candice - Yes, you rock, I wish I had a pair like yours.
Post a Comment