Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The unmistakable sound of chaos ensuing in the kitchen

There is always a small sense if loss when you break a dish or a glass while you are in the kitchen doing said dishes. It's an "Oh damn it, now I have to clean up shards of glass" moment. And sometimes "Damn there goes the set" moment.

Close your eyes and picture, if you will, the very top shelf of dishes. Got it? Okay. I was unloading the dishwasher and I reached up to put a glass bowl away, everything on this particular shelf was glass, can you see where this is going?

One of the little dohickeys that holds up each corner of the shelf popped out sending the entire contents of the shelf careening down to my head, the counter top, inside of the dishwasher and then onto the floor.

"Oh damn it, now I have to clean up shards of glass."

Taking into the fact that I've had several small accidents this summer, I'm starting to fear for my life.

The unmistakable sound of chaos ensuing in the kitchen aroused the attention of the husband. He rushed in and took a bowl off my head, then paused. I don't know if he just didn't know where to start or was taking in the scene unable to comprehend what had happened. Once he saw my face I believe he regained control because he started throwing broken pieces in to a bag, fast. He was avoiding my inevitable reminiscing of the broken pieces. Because everyone knows that the top shelf holds objects of things not often used or the "good stuff." He was diffusing a situation, which he's very good at. He turned the conversation into that damn dohickey and where the hell was it?

I'm not certain of just how much I lost during the kitchen chaos. I suppose I'll find out when I go to reach for something up there and realize it's missing. Also I'm walking around barefoot today so I'm sure my next post will be that of how I stepped on a piece of glass I missed when I was cleaning up shards of glass.


ReformingGeek said...

Damn! There goes the head.

Be careful. Your home is possessed.

My cat and Evil Twin may have been visiting you during the night.

Relax Max said...

It is hard to pick up your blogging rhythm again. First no posts for about 8 months and now 2 posts in one week. I guess I was just pausing to give you a chance to bring funny back, as you had threatened. Waited too long. But this one is it. Thank you.

I couldn't help but notice the two or three damns and one hell and three shards (I'm sure shard is code for something filthy) and I was taken aback, I must say. Since your last post in the spring I have converted to the pathway of goodness and you can imagine how my delicate sensibilities went into shard shock.

I forgive you because I realize you haven't yet obtained my How To Be Pope book, but it goes without saying that you can't be sharding and dohickying or glass bowling (whatever THAT meant) if you decide to become Pope. Nor, for that matter, can you go about bearing false witness about bringing comedy back to your blog.

I suppose I will just give up on you vis a vis the Pope thing, but you must keep writing no matter what.

You are VERY funny, by the way.

Sue said...

Carol - My house is not possessed, it's in ill repair. That bowl should have fallen on the husbands head. I wish you lived closer, we are having a Zombieland viewing this weekend with pizza and popcorn and naturally I thought of you.
I have to deal with him now.

Relax Max - shard 1.a fragment, especially of broken earthenware.

Now that I'm unemployed you can check here frequently, I have some time on my hands unless I'm at the pool, but that's for research. I have to keep an eye on the Russians, they're there everyday now, somethings up.
I can't find your How to Be a Pope post. I don't suppose you could provide a link, I am quite interested.
Thank you for saying I'm funny and thank you for your comments, if it wasn't for you and Carol, I'd be comment-less.

Relax Max said...

;) on you genuinely thinking I didn't know what a shard was. You are precious. It's part of what keeps bringing me back, your mix of innocence, gutter slime and Asian dry cleaner hate speech. :)

Well I haven't yet writ the pope book as of this comment, but I have designed the cover (I always do that first, since that's what my readers see first.) I will be glad to put YOUR name as author on the cover, though. I have a feeling this is a book I many not be proud of. Keep watching my blog for Pope labels. First I am putting the finishing touches on how to talk cat.

Relax Max said...

I have to stop and get serious for two seconds:

You are destined to become a great writer. I believe that.

Sue said...

Relax Max - Feel free to use my name on your Pope book. But probably you should use my first initial, I don't think people would take a Pope book seriously written by a woman. The Catholics are funny that way.

Thank you on the writer comment, since I am now unemployed I really hope you're right.

Relax Max said...

Don't misunderstand. LOTS of great writers never get paid. :) Vincent van Gogh was a great painter. Didn't have a pot to sit on.

If it's money you are after in the field of literature, I would recommend you rob a few bookstores while they are still around. :)

First initial? I was going to call you Benedict. Why would you want your real initial on such a book?

Relax Max said...

So.... the Pope is Catholic?

Sue said...

Relax Max - Yes, I know a lot of people ask, "Is the Pope Catholic?" I'm here to tell you he is. I have my sources and I'm certain of this.