Garage Sale Hell

Well now my tan is uneven. Two days of sitting in my driveway with no shade, selling my wares has ruined all my hard work at the pool. I'm not basking in the glorious sun while poolside. I'm sweltering amongst my tables of household item, tools, old fish tanks and a Sega Video Council with 6 games for one low price of ten bucks. What a hoot. Somebody pinch me I think I've died and gone to heaven. But why is it so hot here? Huh. I must be in Garage Sale hell. 
Yes, that would be the way to describe it. I guess I shouldn't complain we've made $5.50 so far today. I can buy a Venti Mocha at Starbucks with that kind of cash and leave a tip. The glass is half full.
By popping up that Garage Sale sign I've also left myself vulnerable to the kookamonga neighbors. I'm a sitting duck. We just had a lady here that instead of parking her car on the side of the road, which is Garage Sale protocol, she decided to pull into the driveway. Normally a car fits in a driveway, it's what they are for. But as I said earlier we have tables full of crap on each side. She thought, well maybe she didn't really put much thought into browsing while still in her car. She just did it. And she drove into our fish tank. Doh. This is a Garage Sale without a drive-thru. I don't know what she's use to in her own little world but I'm pretty sure my Home Owner Association forbids drive-thru windows.
Shortly after that woman a couple stopped by to shop and they spoke in another language while discussing the items on one of the tables. If you stop by my Garage Sale speak English the whole time you are here not just when you want to know if I'll take 10 cents for something that is priced 25 cents. And what do you want that pocket knife for anyway, you know they aren't going to let you on a plane with it.
Garage Sales make me cranky.

When Deer Attack

They don't do that do they? Just the other day my mom asked me if I see any deer out on mine and the dogs morning walks.
"No mom, never see any in the morning. They walk the streets at night but stay in the woods during the day."
And when I say they walk the streets at night, I mean it. If I'm out on a bike ride at dusk Deer Crossing takes on a whole new meaning. Several times I've had to slam on my brakes because deer have decided to run across the road. And they don't look both ways.
You can imagine my surprise when out on our walk this morning I saw a deer. I cursed, really bad words because I know the dog doesn't like the deer. I've been paying attention more during our walks ever since the bunny chasing incident. But I do have my daydreaming to think about, it's an important part of my morning.
Every time I've turned a corner this summer a new threat arises. The kookamonga list is growing and I'm constantly on guard. So again I'll ask, if a dog gets close to a deer and starts barking does the deer run in fear or attack? If I survive a deer attack imagine the blog post I'll get from that.

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The neighborhood is slowly spiraling out of control

I don't think anyone has notice the subtle yet alarming signs that the neighborhood is loosing its grip on reality. Either they do not have the astute sense of awareness that I do or I need to get out more. I've lived in this development for 19 years, have been poolside every summer and never have a couple of ducks landed in a crowded pool for a swim.

I took my face out of the book I'm reading to help make me a more better writer and saw the second one land. Since I see old men walking down the road in pajamas, people carrying canoes on the sidewalk, mailboxes being slaughtered and my neighbors partying in their boat that is still parked in the driveway, swimming with ducks shouldn't surprise me. But like a good blogger I got up and said,

"Well I better take a picture of this."

They are hard to see because I couldn't see the screen on my phone. I had to crop out my fingers and I circled them in red but for some reason the red circle is not showing up. But that's them by the second black line in the pool and yes that's a kid underwater swimming towards them but he's not in a pool of blood it's the blur of one of my fingers.

 

The dog's trying to kill me

"The dog's trying to kill me."
These are the first words the husband hears when he wakes up this morning. From me in the shower as he enters the bathroom. Because something as serious as this can be said before coffee. Not much can be said before someone rolls out of bed and hasn't even approached the coffee maker but the dog is trying to kill me. I saw no problem in breaking protocol. He responded,
"Okay."
He knows that I know that he knows I'm going to tell him what happened no matter what he said so he kept it simple. I knew the dog was outside of the bathroom door listening but didn't care. I began to tell him about my morning.
Forty-five minutes before my alarm was set to rouse me from my slumber the dog jumped up on the bed. This woke up me and my bladder. I laid there thinking that maybe I could just fall back to sleep. The dog found a comfortable spot, half of my pillow, and waited for the alarm while I drifted off. Unfortunately someone dared walk past our house, ears perked, low growl, the dog took off to the living room using my stomach as her jumping point. I've never been punched in the stomach before but I kind of have the gist of what it might feel like now. I then had to get up to pee.
I didn't fall back to sleep but I was pissed so I made the dog wait until my radio went off. This is her cue to start the "we're going on a walk" dance. Our walks are a time for me to put my day together, think out loud with the dog as my sounding board. She doesn't listen to me because she has to sniff everything. But at least it looks like I'm talking to someone, not just wandering the neighborhood talking to myself. We have a few different routes we take in the morning and this morning we went off the beaten path, because that's the way we roll, and walked around the tennis court, by the pool and the woods.
I had my walking flip flops on because its June and I won't put a sock on until sometime in September maybe. We rounded the corner and she saw it before I did. A bunny. They must be an easy prey because to really likes to chase them with vengeance. She caught one a few weeks ago and now has the taste for bunny blood coursing through her veins. I, on the other hand, have no desire to chase bunnies.
What started out as a lack of communication ended up with my arm yanked so hard from the leash that my feet flew out from under me. I landed on my left side and was dragged about a foot on the moist, from the early morning dew, grass. I don't know how I managed to keep hold of the leash as the dog continued to yank trying to get into the woods to hunt her some wabbits.
After the initial shock, I regained my senses and stood up. That was a good sign, being able to stand. I got the dog under control and away from the woods. Also a good sign, I could walk. I ruled out the emergency room on our way home. Everything on my left side hurts but I don't think I have a torn rotator cuff or will need Tommy John surgery.
At some point during the retelling of my morning the husband had snuck out of the bathroom and I was in the shower talking to myself. When I walked out he asked,
"So are you okay?"
"No. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
"Sure."
"Okay, just let me go Spray and Wash the grass stains on my jeans and hoodie and I'll be right back."
As the day goes by the left side of me becomes sore and stiff. You just don't fall down like that and bounce back after a certain age. So far the dog and I have been getting along, we are just staying out of each others way. But I am avoiding going near the steps.

FaceBook, What's for dinner?

I'm cranky today.
Swear to God, hand on the bible, if one more person on FaceBook posts what they are having for dinner I'm unfriending them. Unless they are one of my CastleVille neighbors, then I have to put up with it because I need five more people to recruit for the crew in my Royal Manor. But the rest of you......
I really don't give a flying rats ass what someone is having for dinner. It's all they post, 
"Chicken and mashed potato's with a salad tonight yummy."
That is the extent of their post. Who the hell cares? Bring me a plate and then maybe I'll click the like button. But if that's all you have to write just stop yourself and go eat. And yes Mr. Spell Check I am quite aware the word unfriending perplexes you but in the FaceBook community it is an empty threat used often.
I'm really glad I got that off my chest, it's been bothering me for some time. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go amerce myself in the wonderfully aggravating world of Search Engine Optimization. Yes I am building a website and would like it to been seen not just sit in cyberspace. It isn't launched yet but I will shamelessly plug in now, www.tapettreasures.com.
And if anyone is interested as what I plan for dinner tonight, it will be Ho Ho's and Pepsi, yummy.