Fun filled family freakin day at the pool

I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to pass along my infinite wisdom. And when I'm done with this post you will stop and say,

"Wow, she's so smart."

I'm an expert at going to the pool. I've been going to the pool since I was a kid. My grandmother use to take Erv and me, she'd sit and people watch with her bright red lipstick on so her lips wouldn't get sunburned and she wore a big floppy hat. And when we'd say,

"Grama! Watch this!." She would.

That's where I would like to start, then we'll talk sun screen. Here's the thing, when your kids are in the pool and they say,

"Hey mom/dad/grandma/grandpa! Watch this." Five times in a row, look up from your cell phone and watch whatever stupid thing they are doing so the rest of us don't have to listen to, 'Hey mom/dad/grandma/grandpa! Watch this.' Five times in a row. You know what? Just put your cell phone away and keep on eye on you children at all times. Those "lifeguards" are paid minimum wage.

Now the sun screen. This is going to make so much sense to you when I'm done. Put the sun screen on your children before you get to the pool. I can't stress this enough. When you come to the pool with more than one child and they still need sun screen slathered on them, do yourself a favor and just let them burn. I continue to be amazed at parents that file into the pool for a fun filled family day and they stop their children from jumping in with the rest of the kids. Why? Because before they can have any fun they have to be disappointed, start crying and be yelled at by their stressed out mom.

"You can't go in that pool until I put sun screen on you, WAIT!"

While you struggle with one child the others are inching their way towards the waters edge. You are not going to be able to catch them because your hands are full of sunscreen and the partially gooped kid thinks he's done when you go to catch the ungooped ones. The gooped one is slippery now you'll never get him back. See the chaotic situation you and you alone created? Tell me slathering them up at home doesn't make sense.

There is so much more I can teach you but I don't want to come off as preachy. Just remember one other thing, teach them how to play Marco Polo and I will hunt you down like a rabid dog.

Bad Karma Post

I fear I may have upset Marco Polo. Or the Lord above, can't be sure but I know someone ruined my day of leisure at the pool. I dragged my butt out of bed close to 10:00 am. Yes, I sleep until 10:00 am on the weekends.
The sky was bright and sunny and the pool was calling me. I grabbed my pool bag, contents mentioned in my previous post and strolled to the pool. Found a lounge chair with only one broken strap, pretty good for the crowd that had already assembled there that bright, sunny day, and arranged my belongings in their proper place. Can of Pepsi within reach and book in my hands, I settled in my chair for the tanning process to begin.
This is about the time that the spirit of Marco Polo ruined it all. Apparently he likes the silly assed game in his name. Dark clouds covered the sky and I had only read two pages of my book, didn't even get my can of Pepsi open. I felt sprinkles of rain and since I had walked to the pool I couldn't wait to see if this was going to blow over. I had to pack up before I even broke a sweat. Inside my head I was swearing like a drunken sailor.
On my way I home I came to the realization that for the first time in the history of my pool going days, I had not heard one child utter the words Marco Polo.

Marco Freakin Polo

I got nothing against explores/merchants sailing the high seas trading with the Far East back in the day, I just want to let that be known. My biggest problem is the stupid swimming pool game made out of the poor guys name.
Marco.............
Polo...............
Marco.............
Polo...............

And now it's in a car commercial.

My favorite form of relaxation in the summer is to grab a towel, a book, a can of Pepsi and a corner of the pool deck within the development where we reside. With a good Stephen King or Dean Koontz I can tune out the world, almost. The insentient Marco Polo-ing has poked a hole into my life of leisure, grating on my very last nerve. Who the hell thought up this stupid game?
Close your eyes and say Marco, chase down anyone that says Polo with your eyes remaining closed. Can't the children just chase each other with their eyes open and their mouths shut? For years I've worked on my even tan to the tune of Marco Polo, enough is enough already.
Would it be acceptable behavior on my part to approach little Johnny and Susie? You know say something like, "Cha, you know what? Your mindless blabbering is killing my brain cells. Play something else."