Thursday, July 23, 2009

I became a Turd Grabber

I felt sorry for the dog. After a couple rainy days she looked bored. So I assembled the necessary items for a walk, cell phone, keys (because everyone has abandoned me tonight) and a plastic bag in case of the dreaded poop. The plastic bag unfortunately proved to be useful because the boys, who are no longer in my will and legally I only have to feed one of them until April, forgot to mention they never let her out today.
I became a turd grabber this evening. Our normal walking route are the roads less traveled by cars, so we can walk down the middle of the road and Buckeye doesn't stop every two feet to smell other dogs pee. But this road, by the pool was over populated as the swim meet dispersed. I swore like a drunken sailor under my breath. The dog was so excited to see the swimmers, she pooped. Being as excited as she was, she pooped while walking. I've had to maybe grab turds 3 times since we've had her. So with a hyperactive dog attached to my left hand and a plastic bag on my right, I attempted the impossible, in front of a stream of families walking and driving home from the swim meet. Probably, I'll never eat again.


Lunatron (aka Jamie) said...

That's a rough night. Run a hot bath, get a six pack of your favorite adult beverage... or strategically place the turds as a reminder to the family of your trauma.

Candice said...

I typically walk my dog at night so that I don't feel obligated to pick up dog turds. At least I'm usually under the cover of darkness when he decides to take a dook. However, he usually waits until we are in front of a house lit up like fort Knox. Asswipe.

The other day he managed to take not one, but two shits in the span of 7 minutes. It was during the day, so I had to pick it up. I could have totally shoved my foot up the dogs ass an not felt one iota of guilt over it.

I'm still bitter. Can you tell?

Anonymous said...

Sue, from the bottom of my fraccy heart... thank you for being a turd grabber.

I live on a corner lot and there's a walkway through to a park not far from our home, which makes it a popular route for dog-walkers. We've slaved for ten years, each year adding another project to the yard that was once the horror of the neighborhood and is now a park in itself. (Plantings, brick walks, firepit area, bench area, a woodsy area and a shrub/flower area, etc) Mr. Frac has now become that old man that sits in the window watching everyone.


Because there are not enough turd grabbers in our neighborhood, nor are there enough people who realize that I don't pee on their lawn and don't like their dog peeing on mine because it kills my plants!

Mr. Frac is a formidable opponent if he catches a non-turd-grabber.

You may move to my neighborhood any day. I'll even cook/bake you something that will make you want to eat again.


(And this is odd because right before commenting, I'd read your dry cleaner post... and the verification word to post this is 'presser'. Spooky.)

ReformingGeek said...

So you're not hungry for chocolate?

Sorry, mean Ms. Turd Grabber. Poor pup.

Nooter said...

ahem, your list of 'necessary items for a walk' leaves a bit to be desired. try these:

*bag of snaks
*fetchable object like a tennis ball
*squeek toy to let 'em know youre coming
*google map to fifi's house
*emergency bag of snaks (just in case)
*dogpound bail money

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Ugh. What a pleasant task. Well, it looks like our pal Nooter has offered some great tips. Good luck!

b0ll0cks said...

My neighborhood is full of turd grabbers. I won't walk my dog because I don't want to walk around with a big bag of pooh. She plays in the backyard where she can pooh all she wants and I pick it up with a shovel.
Good and funny post though.

Skye said...

I'm very lucky that my dog only piddles on posts, trees and firehydrants when going for walks. As for the poo, well he does that in one of 2 places, either on the compost heap or in the firepit. Either way not much need to clean up! What the worms don't eat in the compost, the fire takes care of in the