The early morning dog walking routine isn't working the way I had envisioned. I thought it would be the bright and sunny start of my day. The dog and I would stroll through the neighborhood, I would clear my head and ponder the day ahead of me. Instead terror lurks around every corner.
There are only certain streets we can walk on, the rest have been deemed unsafe. Because those streets have loose dogs. What can get your heart racing faster than a Chinese Badminton Olympian hell bent on loosing? A loose dog running out from behind it's house and heading straight for you. I've ruled out carrying pepper spray because it might get my dog too, so now I want a taser. Do you have to go to a special school to carry a taser? Do I have to get a permit? I'll look into it before I start tasering loose dogs. But taser them I will, if permitted.
Also I have to be ever vigilant for the fear of running into a bunny or a deer. They may seem harmless to you but the deer cross the street and never look both ways. Therefore crossing our path and putting the dog into hunt and kill mode. Same with the bunnies, if the dog sees one before I do, I will be caught off guard and she will literally take off after it and if she could, take my arm with her.Then last week there was a new development on the pajama mans street. We save that street for the end of the week because it has the most promise for mayhem. It's definitely not a street for a Monday morning when I think I'm going to think of something brilliant to write. It's more of a Friday street, when I'm thinking of my grocery list. We made it past the pajama mans house without incident. Up ahead a few houses as we were walking the dogs ears perked up, she slowed her pace to cautious steps and she looked at it, and so did I.
Unable to make out anything but a silhouette, we saw an ominous form sitting near a mailbox. I could see what had to be pointed ears, they twitched first the right then the left and they were too for away from each other to be a cat. Unless it was a cougar, but the rest of the body did not fit a cougars physique. So I came to the conclusion it was some unknown species that escaped from a secret government facility and we slowly turned around, headed home looking over my shoulder every 10 seconds as we walked. The creature made no move.
We made it home safely that day. But I feel that I should be armed with more than my cell phone and a plastic poop bag for our walks. How much do tasers cost and can I get them on eBay?