The Creature in the Wall

Monday morning promised to be an above average Monday. The office was going to literally be a ghost town. All the offices were going dark because of a big meeting out of state. I was up front holding down the fort, so to speak. In other words, peace and quiet. I was looking forward to today almost as much as an Egg McMuffin Friday.

With a big smile on my face I sat down to start my day. Sipping my piping hot cappuccino and going through my emails. It was quiet. Until I heard the noise.

"What the hell was that?"

It came from the wall that is within my reach. I leaned over in my chair and cocked my ear towards the suspicious sound. There it goes again. A co-worker happened upon me while I was staring at the wall.

Now everyone knows that when a wall is making a noise, it's only going to do it when you are alone with it. But I still said, "The wall is making a noise." His eyes lit up because right then he realized that his Monday just got better. He had someone to tease mercilessly for the rest of the day.

"What kind of a noise?" He cared not, I could tell by his grin.

"The kind of noise a creature would make if it was clawing it's way through a wall to attack me, that kind of noise, it's unsettling."

We both remained silent for a few seconds, nothing. He banged on the wall.

"I don't hear anything."

"Of course you don't hear anything, it's going to wait until you leave."

He started to walk away, but I kept talking.

"It's only a matter of time before it breaks through the wall."

My voice grew louder as he continued down the hall.

"I'll be here all alone."

"Uh huh."

"Just waiting for the creature to strike."

He turned the corner.

"Don't worry about me, I'm sure I'll be fine." By now I was shouting.

Alone again. 10 seconds later the creature started to claw it's way out, I whimpered.

YOU ARE HERE

At the workplace is it expected that the majority of the employees have a reasonable amount of intelligence. They went through the process of filling out an application, an interview and they managed to drive themselves to said place of employment. One would have to come to the conclusion, no matter how hard it is to say, that the office is not filled with a bunch of morons. It may not seem that way but there are sparks of intellect flying around most of the time. We were all taught at a young age the process of walking into a building, retaining that information, making a mental picture, so to speak, of the door we just walked through. Day after day we walk into the door and then, even after a long trying day, we are able to find our way out of the building by walking through that very same door we had, hours ago, walked into. If for some reason that information loses it's place in our head, we don't panic because above all the doors leading to the outside world there is a big sign above that reads, and we all can read, EXIT.
So I ask you, because I am a curious person, and I would really like to understand this:
Why, in the name of Zeus's butt hole, do we have to have maps of the interior of the building plastered on the walls telling us "YOU ARE HERE" and a red arrow leading us to the nearest exit?
I will await your response, thank you.

Can anyone spare $24.83 and provide a receipt?

So the husband and I sat down at another restaurant for dinner. I work full time now, I avoid cooking. This was the topic of our dinner conversation, the not cooking thing. Then the conversation took on a life of its own and we started discussing my receptionist career. "You know what I'm doing now?" I asked him. "They dumped the petty cash box in my lap."
The husband looked amused.
"It hasn't been reconciled since September."
His face lit up like a Christmas tree.
"It kind of got lost in the shuffle during the layoffs at the beginning of the year."
Then there was an honest to God, genuine look of interest in his demeanor.
And then we laughed a good 45 to 56 seconds. There would have been more laughing but our waiter came by to tell us the evenings specials. The baked ziti sounded good so I ordered it. When our waiter left the husband asked me, "What kind of bull crap have you been slinging around that office? I can straighten them out right now by showing them about six or seven old checkbooks you've screwed up over the years."
"I never put proficient in Math on my resume, I avoid all Math conversations around the water cooler. I even mentioned once that I hated Math and I know people heard me, I'm kind of loud."
"Really, I never noticed."

Now that the laughing stage is over and done with, I'm fast approaching the hair pulling stage, next will be the crying. I can't seem to find $24.83.
And I'm totally clueless on where to look for it.

Office Exterminator

I amused my co-workers today. Innocently, I brought in the mail as usual. Much to my surprise the object I saw out of the corner of my eye hanging from the catalogs and envelopes was not an object but a spider hanging from part of it's web I dislodge from the mailbox. Here's where the co-workers started to laugh, well after my yelp they did. The spider shimmied up it's web and rested on a catalog. This is when the discussion ensued. How does Sue get rid of her unwanted desk mate? Nothing like, "Here let me do it."
The best advice I received was, "Use these scissors and move the catalog, the spider will fall to the ground and then step on it."
So crazy it might work.
Only when it started to fall, it stopped in mid-air because of the whole web shooting thing that spiders are capable of. (you've seen Spiderman, you know what I'm talking about)
Being the quick thinker that I am and ready to kill anything that crawls near me, I cut the web with my scissors, the spider fell to the ground and I stepped on it. Then I waved my hands around like a moron. I'm quite certain that this scene will not be forgotten soon by my co-workers. The story got around the office and shop pretty quick. I can only hope that I'm not thought of as the office exterminator, I really don't want to do that again.