I need a nap. Where's my pillow and blanky?

For the last week or so, maybe longer, maybe less because I'm really not sure what day it is and I'm almost certain it is October but I would not be 100% sure of that to call it fact. In fact for the past few days I feel as if I have been watching myself try to function through daily life as a spectator instead of a participant. What I am trying to say is that I have a cold/flu that has come straight from hell.
So forming a thought and trying to string along a few coherent sentences has been difficult. I have thoughts and sentences floating around up there in my brain but they have been bogged down by snot. Random ideas pop into my head and I have no explanation as to why they are up there but they are stuck inside of my skull, rattling around trying to free themselves but to no avail because you see, I can not breath through my nose and I am now hearing impaired. My ears are actually squeaking. How can this be good?
Random thought! I remember an event. Wait I think I'm hungry. I'm going to have soup. I'll finish this post later.

In the delicate mental state that I am in at the moment all my memories happened about a year ago. That being said, about a year ago Boy #3 told me he had an earache. Here is that conversation:
"Mom I think I have an earache."
"Well either your ear hurts or it doesn't."
"I know that. But my ear hurts inside."
"Oh then that's an earache."
After they turn 18 you can relax a little bit because legally they are in charge of their own earaches. But I am a mom, so I asked,
"How bad does it hurt? Going to the doctor bad or aspirin bad?"
"Oh I don't want to go to the doctor."
"Then take a couple......"
"Because I don't have insurance."
This is when the muscles that you have let relax stiffen because now money is involved. I continued the conversation,
"You know that your father and I will help you with medical expenses, you know that."
"Yeah but I still don't think I need to go to the doctor."
"Well get a flashlight and let me look in there at least."

I just remembered I'm out of Nyquil. Shit.

So I have a flashlight and I'm looking into the kids ear. I see nothing. I really couldn't tell you what I expected to see though. Then I had a thought,
"You know I think back in the old days they use to pour a little peroxide in a persons soar ear to help the pain and unblock stuff."
"Really?"
"Yeah, pretty sure. Want me to do it?"
"I ..... don't ......... know."
"Think about it. You get water in your ear when you go swimming sometimes and you always get it out. It would be the same thing, sort of, maybe. Let's see what happens."
"Well ......"
"I'm just going to put a cap full in there, a few drops."
"Okay. Do it."
I tried to contain my excitement, I didn't want him to flee.
With Boy #3's head sideways over the bathroom sink, I guess in case the peroxide came out the other end? We were winging it really. I poured a few drops into his earache ear. He flinched a little and I don't blame him because I had no idea what I was doing, not a clue. Huh. I saw some bubbles in there. And I said,
"I see some bubbles."
No response. He probably can't hear me with peroxide in his ear. So I turned my head sideways over the sink to face him and said,
"I see bubbles."
"Cool. I hear fizzing."
"Cool. I'm going back up there to see what happening."
And I gave him a thumbs up.

In no way do I condone radical peroxide ear treatment. Just wanted to throw that out there. My head hurts.

So I looked back at his bubbling ear. The peroxide seemed to have knocked loose some earwax because I saw some little things floating around. Huh. I went back down sideways over the sink and said,
"How does your ear feel?"
"Okay, I guess."
"Then I think it's time to get that stuff out of there, I see some stuff floating in your ear."
"Huh?"
I put a tissue over his ear and he stood up. He started the process of removing water from your ear after swimming and was successful. He started moving his jaw around because you can't move your ears around. He said to me,
"I think that may have helped."
"I knew it would."
I had no idea what would happen, but I'd say a successful test. Since going partially deaf due to this cold I have been contemplating peroxide in my ear. I'm going to stick to my Neti Pot for now, until I get desperate.

The voice inside my head

The voice inside my head was chatting me up today at WalMart. I think it's because of the flu Boy #2 so graciously bestowed upon me two days before Christmas. Not completely over the sinus infection and no time to go back to the doctor, I left myself vulnerable. But I'm still letting Boy #2 take all the blame. So with my brain floating around in snot, gently bopping against the walls of my skull it misfired quite a bit up and down those WalMart aisles.
I will try to remember what it was saying as I arrived and was desperately trying to contain it:

"No bell ringer today, gonna miss him."

"Thank you for walking in the clearly marked exit door. The record of some moron walking in or out of the wrong door remains intact."

"I need to go to the pharmaceutical aisle first. Maybe I can find a magical cure for the flu or just knock myself out with Nyquil shots."

"I shouldn't have left the house alone. I feel like hell and I just got here."

"Seriously? The whole family has to do the grocery shopping? Mom, dad and 2.5 children? They clog up the whole aisle. What do children contribute to grocery shopping besides annoyance?"

"What bra did I wear today? Why do the straps keep sliding off my shoulders?"

"Move out of the way, move your cart, move it now. I'm going to ram into it, I swear I will."

"Is my tea on the very bottom self?"

"Note to self: buy nothing on the bottom self today because standing back up makes you dizzy."

"I have to blow my nose."

"I can't believe mom found this little bottle of lavender scented hand sanitizer, I love lavender."

"Get out of my way."

"If you stop and text in front of something I want I'm going to give you a heavy sigh."

"These effing bra straps."

"I'm probably going to faint. Why is it so hot in here?"

"I will not sample whatever it is you are cooking in your little toaster oven, it smells bad. I'm avoiding eye contact and walking right by you."

"You haven't seen each other in years? That's wonderful, but would you find somewhere else to catch up? Preferably somewhere I'm not. You are hindering my progress along with the people that insist on bringing their entire family with them."

"This bra is coming off as soon as I get home. If I ever get home. I might not ever get home."

"Put your cart on one side of the aisle. Pick left or right, not the middle. The middle is stupid and you know that."

"Finally. They are getting rid of these Christmas decorations and putting up the Valentine's Day stuff."

"Get out of my way, damn it."

That is basically how my first venture out of the house since Christmas day went. By the time I got home I needed a nap and a shot of Nyquil.

The Definition of Awkward

Aunt Flo visits whenever the hell she wants to, even when you are in bed with the flu. I had to drag myself out from under my cozy, warm comforter today and get to the store because I'm the only one in the house that is willing to be seen buying those "things." That aisle is the first stop I made, I wasn't thinking straight and I wanted to make sure "they" were not forgotten. I would have cried if I got home and then had to go back out again. So the "things" without wings were in my shopping cart, alone, minding their own business when I ran into an acquaintance from back in the baseball days, a former coach, a guy.
The awkward conversation ensued. "You don't sound too good, you sick?"
"Yeah, the flu, I'm here for some tissues and Nyquil."
His gaze tried to stay focused on my blood-shot eyes, "Uh huh. Hope you feel better."
"Thanks. Nice to see you again."
We parted ways and I found my beloved Nyquil. Nyquil is either for the flu, a cold or both, I don't know. All I know is that I'm sick and I get to throw back a few Nyquil shots.
That, my blogging friends is why I haven't posted, dropped EntreCards or visited you all week. Because I've been hit with a double whammy.

Mom's Kitchen is Closed

I called in sick again today. I know it's Sunday and the office is closed, but I wanted to make it clear that Mom's kitchen is closed too. I must have told the husband 47 times today, "I'm not cooking. Make sure you tell the boys that when you talk to them." I don't want anyone wandering around in my kitchen looking for a home cooked Sunday meal.
I also called in sick to a baby shower I was suppose to attend this afternoon. You know it's a shame to miss them, bummer. But the way my extended family has been multiplying they'll be another one soon.
It's time for my nap now. Being sick is a drag. I need to assure the daughter-in-law that I didn't catch this from her. It's an allergy related thing. Guilt is tool I wield very carefully, I never even thought to blame her for this. A burrito from Chipolte would make me feel so much better though.

Paging Dr. Mom

There is a flashlight in my bathroom, on the counter by the sink. Why? Most moms know why. Someone in the house has a soar throat. And it's up to the Dr. Moms to determine the severity. Translation - are they going to school today. Back when they were little I'd tell them to open, stick out your tongue and say ahhhh, oh and don't breath. That last one I added for myself, morning breath and germs coming at you first thing in the morning is never going to end well. I had the pleasure this morning of having two patients. They are taller than me now and I have to stand on the toilet to peer into the oral cavities. Boy #2 cowboyed up and went to school, he is in the beginning of the sick crude that will inevitably end up with me. Boy #3 has had enough and is sleeping it off today. One of my favorite lines from one of the little darlings when I couldn't see any redness was, "Are you sure you don't need new batteries in that flashlight mom?"

Must Keep my Readers

The very last thing that I want to happen after getting home from the husbands Christmas party is for the dog to get diarrhea. If I had a crystal ball earlier in the evening I would have taken it easy on the vodka. But I was unable to dodge the inevitable drama that unfolded later that evening. The details of last night will remain a mystery to my readers as I having been working hard to gain readers not loose them.

I also have a sick kid at home. Boy #3 has the dreaded bad cold that the husband brought home. I'm waiting for him to wake up so I can make him soup. The mothering instinct is seeded deep within me and I must feel his forehead soon or I will loose my purpose in life. So if I have to wake him to make sure he's okay and to ask him how he's feeling, then so be it.