Tuesday, October 05, 2010

I don't think she meant to kill it

Almost everyday my stomach starts to grumble around noon. That's when I start to watch the clock, my lunch is at 1:00. I planned it that way, when I get back at 2:00 the rest of the day goes by fast. It's a good plan. Most days I go home because fast food everyday doesn't appeal to me and I let the dog out. Today I also wanted to check on a sick Boy #2 and bring him some Ginger Ale because he puked all night. Please God don't let me catch the stomach flu, please, please, please.
Now that it's cold out again my flip flops have been exchanged for my cool boots. I had my CFM boots on today. Please don't ask, figure out what each letter stands for, I try to maintain a PG-13 blog.
So not being use to high heels I just need the dog to go out, pee and come right back in.
I'm so sorry Relax Max for mentioning pee in yet another post.
She should pee right away because it's raining and she's a sissy, hates the rain and will only go out in it if she really has to go bad.
"Keep an eye on her." I tell Boy #2. "Let me know if she goes, I have to get lunch."
30 seconds later, "Mom, it looks like she has something."
"What do you mean has something?"
"She's behind the bushes and I heard a weird noise."
Now I have to go out in the rain, this will screw up my hair.
"Oh my God, oh my God, she has a squirrel. What do I do? Oh my God."
Do you get the gist of me panicking?
First I see the unmistakable big squirrel tail, then the dog comes out of the bushes with the entire squirrel. And I'm out there with my high heels trying to grab the dog without getting touched by the flailing squirrel. The squirrel was panicking too, for good reason, it was in the jaws of my killer dog that's afraid of rain.
"Buckeye, let go, let go, oh my God. Come here, come, Buckeye!" The panicking continued. There was a lot of swearing. Where the hell is Boy #2? Where is he?
The dog released the squirrel and I grab her collar, dragged her in the house and Boy #2 was sitting on the steps. "Check her for any scratches."
I looked outside and the squirrel lay there twitching. More swearing. "Damn, look at it."
"She killed it.....almost."
"This is a crisis now."
"You should have seen how funny you looked on the steps trying to get her."
"I hope you throw up again."

I called the husband to fill him in on the crisis, he didn't seem to grasp the trauma I just went through.
"You know, you're going to have to come home from work and take this squirrel to the vet and they're going to have to fly in tiny instruments from El Paso and it will be a costly and difficult procedure. Once he's discharged you'll have to make sure he gets his medicine six times a day and keep his tail elevated."

You have to be a member of the Seinfeld cult to get that last line. I tried to find a YouTube clip but couldn't. Here's the script.


Anonymous said...

If you would have just let Buckeye eat it, there probably would have been less trauma, and you wouldn't of had to feed the her either !

I would have made Boy #2 give it mouth to mouth since he sat and watched it.

ReformingGeek said...

I hate it when that happens. Nature sucks and dogs are just suckers for squirrels, right?

I'm so sorry you were traumatized. Too bad Hubby wasn't more sympathetic!

Leeuna said...

Horrible tragedy, and I'm sorry for laughing. I couldn't help it. I've found that coming home for lunch is a recipe for disaster. Once I get out of the house, I don't come back until I have to. And why do dogs want to get dirty, run away, or try to kill something when we're wearing our good clothes and need to be somewhere within the next ten minutes. I think they do that just to mess with us.

P.S. My verification word is "blessee". It must be a sign, so bless you.

Sue said...

Ted - Blood and guts are not less trauma.

Carol - I really think she thought she was playing with it. When I got her in the house she was shaking.

Leeuna - Coming home for lunch has it's pro's and cons. The dog is sometimes a pro and sometimes a con.