Please wait. Be back in 2 minute.

Would it be writing genius of me to combine a McDonald's post and a Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude post together or just all together crazy? Can it be done? Sure it can. Will it be good? I don't know.
So when last we spoke I told you the story, in 300 words or less, of my Egg McMuffin Friday. Being limited to 300 words or less because it was my assignment some things were left out of that morning. Some things that were probably best left unsaid, especially with it being my my first assignment and all. I used the word pee twice, had to change damn to darn and hell was in there too, I didn't need to bring up my bra strap like I'm going to now. Don't worry Erv, it won't be that bad, the entire post is not about your sisters bra.
On my way to McDonald's, remember scarf wrapped around my neck 27 times, big leather coat and gloves, I felt my bra strap slide down my shoulder. This was shortly after I left the house and I knew it would have to stay there, uncomfortably on my shoulder until I got to work. It was unsettling because there was no way to get to it. I began to wonder,
"Which bra did I put on this morning?" I keep the uncomfortable ones in the back of the drawer.
"Maybe one of my 'good' bra's has crossed over to 'uncomfortable' I hate when that happens."
I continued on my way to my glorious breakfast with my bra strap askew, glancing at my passengers side where the husband shirts lay in a heap waiting to be taken to the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dudes. That is my after work errand, there's a better chance of seeing him in the evening and what better way to start off the weekend than with an encounter with Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dudes grin like a prison guard in a Chuck Norris movie? My Friday dragged on like most Friday's do and at 4:30 I made my escape. Checking to make sure the bra was is place before donning my winter wear.
"I have to check that bra when I get home." I made a mental note.
I arrive at my most favorite place in the world as a blogger, grabbed the husbands shirts and marched in. Huh, where is everyone? And when I say everyone, it's where are the two of them?
Oh, look there's a note being held down with a stapler right next to the cash register. "Please wait. Be back in 2 minute."
The angel on my right shoulder said, "You should stay and watch that cash register for dweedle dee and dweedle dum, it's only 2 minute." I waited. I waited longer than 2 minute when the devil on my left shoulder said, "Isn't it about time to go home and start your weekend? Seriously, I'm sure they have the cash register locked and who is going to mess with the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude, would you?"
The little devil with the pitch fork had a point. Although he's probably the one that slid my bra strap down my shoulder this morning.

I’ll scrape those windows until my fingers bleed

Here is my first writing assignment. I had five beginning phrases to pick from, tell a short story with 300 words or less in five minutes. I submitted it and am awaiting the evaluation. I'm putting my thick skin on now. Mommy.

__________________________________________

They called it a near miss, but I called it poor planning on my part. It was Egg McMuffin Friday, my reward for dragging my butt out of bed five days in a row and getting to work on time. Several things factor into accomplishing this goal, a quick shower, the dog taking a quick pee, a great cup of coffee, minimal conversation with the rest of the household, the contacts going in without incident, a good hair day, the moon in the seventh house and Jupiter aligning with Mars. When this happens, drive-thru here I come.
I had my one sided conversation with the quick peeing dog, “You be a good girl today, mommy has to go to work.” She cocked her head to the side, wagged her tail and conveyed to me that all would be well. Satisfied that she had the house under control, I wrapped my scarf around my neck several times, put on my coat and gloves, grabbed my purse and opened the door. “Son of ………….” I knew it was too good to be true, I was moving a break-neck Egg McMuffin speed, I had to have forgotten something. Snow. Four inches of freshly fallen snow. I looked back at the dog, “I forgot to start the car, now I have to scrape if I’m going to make it to my Egg McMuffin. It’s what? Fifteen degrees out there?” I thought of that delicious Egg McMuffin and the large piping hot mocha cappuccino with caramel, “I’ll scrape those windows until my fingers bleed, this is my reward darn it and I shall have it come hell or high water, or a frozen windshield.”

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just isn't the same.

Generally I like to sit by myself when I go to lunch, find a secluded table, eat and write. Problem was, I walked into McDonald's with a blank slate in my brain. 'I have to sit by someone weird.' I told myself. Eureka! A table full. A table full of a really out of place, over dressed, family, 3 generations of the entitled. And when I sat near them, they kicked it up a notch.

'Awesome, please try to impress me.' Inside voice. In fact my inside voice was going a mile a minute.

I quickly arranged my lunch tray. For some reason McDonald's has stopped asking me "for here or to go" and they automatically put my food in a bag. Then I say, "I was planning on staying is that okay?"

"Of course." And they put my bag of food on a tray. I look like a swindler trying to get out of the "for here" tax as I go find a table.

There was grandma and grandpa, mom and dad and two daughters. The daughters had a few years between them, the oldest never stopped texting and the chubby younger one loved every food that came up in conversation. Grandma and mom were bejeweled, made up, half a can of hair spray on each head and in designer clothes, their purses were probably expensive but I'm not schooled in the designer purse world, and every once in a while I could get a whiff of grandma smell. Dad and grandpa discussed at length a deli menu, "The sandwiches are this big. And the Matzah balls.............."

"I love Matzah balls." Chubby girl chimed in.

When the deli menu conversation was exhausted the dad started to try and impress the grandpa with his job. Grandpa didn't seem too interested which made dad try harder. The mom discussed dinner for the weekend, "I thought I'd make a pot pie tomorrow."

"I love pot pie." Of course you do.

One has to wonder why these people ended up in McDonald's when the could have gone to the deli that had sandwiches 'this big' and Matzah balls. It's going to bother me for a little bit. I hope I don't waste too many brain cells mulling this over.

Hey HannahJ, I'm going to say retard in another post

I had a half inch by half inch piece of paper burning a hole in my pocket all morning. This little microscopic piece of paper said I could receive a free medium french fry. How awesome is that? I received this golden ticket on my McDonald's large Mocha with whole milk this morning when I stopped at the drive-thru for my Friday Egg McMuffin. I sat at my desk going through my emails, eating my Egg McMuffin, not interrupted by the phone and that's a sign of a good day, drinking my mocha wondering how can it get any better than this. That's when I found 2 little stickers on my paper cup with a lid. "What do we have here?"

I'm not oblivious to the world around me, but I have to admit I'm clueless in the McDonald's Monopoly Game world. I've just chosen not to participate in the past. But when I peeled off that winning french fry ticket I decided to throw myself into the game. I have a game board now.

I watched the clock all day waiting to cash in my winnings and get more pieces to my new obsession. Lunch time came, I had to go to the bank first. There are obstacles in life, we all have them. They teach us patience, compassion, all sorts of lessons on our journey through life. It's what make us stronger, obstacles in life are thrown into our paths to test us, teach us, ground us in reality, help us grow into a descent human being if we chose to learn from them. My obstacle on my way to my free french fries was a moron who couldn't work the ATM machine.

How retarded to you have to be to leave your card in the ATM when on the screen it says. "Do you wish to make another transaction?" Your options are yes or no. Not, drive away from the machine without your card or receipt. I got up to the ATM and could have withdrawn my weekend craft show money from her account. But instead I thought real hard and then pushed the button that said NO. I'm so damn smart sometimes. I put Einstein's card on the ledge and use my own card to withdraw my money. I followed the instructions and Eureka, my card spit back out at me. I grabbed the other card and made an unscheduled stop in the bank. As soon as I opened the door three tellers and one morons heads snapped around. "Do you have my card?"

"Yes." Idiot.

I handed it over and walked out. I said nothing for fear I wouldn't pass my "life's little obstacle test". Plus I had free french fries waiting for me.

Well that's just unheard of

Ordinarily I don't drink my piping hot mocha cappuccino from McDonald's with a straw. Actually I think there might be a law against that sort of behavior. You just don't mess around with hot beverages. The pre-printed cups tell us caution contents is hot don't drink with a straw dummy or something like that. So you can imagine my surprise when I got to work, put down the precious liquid some of you call mocha cappuccino, opened my McDonald's bag from the drive through window and found my beloved egg McMuffin, some napkins and huh, a straw. The hell? I don't see the correlation here. What the hell kind of a world does the girl at window #2 live in? She was of middle eastern decent, those are the one you have to watch out for, them and the Russians at the pool. When she handed me my hot beverage straight from heaven she said, "Mocha?" Like it was the first time in her life she's ever said it, which make me sad to think that middle easterners have never had the pleasure of sipping a mocha cappuccino and they have no idea whether to use a straw or not. I thought I had my hands full keeping an eye on the Russians, now I have this McDonald's girl to watch.

Egg McMuffins, Frankie the Fish and Impending Doom

Your day just doesn't get any better when you get out of the house at break-neck, time to stop for an Egg McMuffin, speed. You miss the school bus that has plagued your morning commute since September. The phone at work doesn't ring until you've finished the glorious McAwesomness. And then, the best part of the great day, is when the parts department decides that Frankie the Fish, from the "famous" McDonalds commercial has to be stuck on the wall for all eternity. It just doesn't get any better than that, really, a great day. Even with the latest snow storm looming in the distance, on it's way to slam Northeast Ohio.

The radio weather people explained the impending doom:
"Sounds like you're explaining nor'easter Jane."
"That's exactly what's happening here Dan."

I had my own video on my phone but I'm not technologically advance to get it on my computer.

I thought my brain was getting bigger

Occasionally, maybe once a week, I will sit by myself at McDonald's for lunch. This is the time I've set aside to think up something brilliant to post. Lost in my thoughts and my fries, fruit and walnut salad, a humongous ice tea with lemon and 4 sugars. From brain to hand the ideas flow out of me with astounding fluidity. It's really quite amazing. Until the first of the new year, I really thought my brain was getting bigger. But now my mind is stuck on remembering it's 2010. You'd think by now I could remember to write, type or even say 2010. This is a huge set back on my brain growing to genius proportion. What a drag. Even now while sitting in my McDonald's booth my concentration is strained, my eyes keep straying towards the word search game on my trays place-mat.
"Apple Pie" is right there, I should circle it. No focus."
The guy in the other booth is doing his word search. I heard him say to his lunch companion, "I found everything but Apple Pie."
"Doh!" How could he not see Apple Pie.

My Perfect Egg McMuffin Day

When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and I will buy an Egg McMuffin. It takes that kind of luck to get me out of the house early enough to stop at McDonalds before work. And it happened this morning. My Egg McMuffin and I checked my emails this morning. My day was filled with harmony and understanding. It was a sunshine and lollipops day, the birds were singing, the traffic was non-confrontational and everyone at WalMart seemed smarter. They all used the exit as the an exit and the entrance as the point of entry, it was amazing. Although my hands stuck to the shopping cart handle it didn't ruin my perfect Egg McMuffin day.
And since Relax Max has been perusing my blog lately I thought I'd share my wonderful day by mentioning WalMart because I know how much he enjoys a good WalMart story.