Still Winter Zombies

Northeast Ohio has four seasons, Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction. We are, at this moment, in the intolerable season of Still Winter. It's the season that tries man's soul, separates the men from the boys, the season of despair, children literally bounce off the walls in complete and utter boredom, women crying in the streets, it's the season we go bat crap crazy.
March 10, 2011 and we have yet another winter storm looming in the distance. It is poised to strike at 8:00 pm this evening. We seasoned Northeast Ohioans after being fed this information, go about our day in a zombie-like state. It is futile to complain. Bring it.
Back in the season of Winter we would run to the store after hearing news of the impending doom and stock up on provisions. Not now. Now we will eat our young if we have to, we are Still Winter Zombies after all.
"Snow?"
"Yes, snow."
"More snow?"
"Approximately 4 to 12 inches, depending on where you live."
"It's been raining for 3 days, more snow?"
"Yes, snow."
I've started talking to myself, out loud.
"The floods, what about the floods?"
"I imagine they will still be there when this new snow melts."
"In particular, the flood at the beginning of our development precious. The one that has plagued our commute to work and such."
"That will most likely become a sheet of ice, making our ride into work interesting, tricksy, you might say."

I do believe I'm at the bat crap crazy stage now but I'm trying to keep it under wraps. I had a 15 minute conversation at work today about pencils, that can't be good. But who wouldn't want to hear about the best pencil ever made? The Dixon/Ticonderoga, I never knew it was the best, I listened with interest.

Someone! Please take the pork chops out of the freezer in the garage!

Forcast: Buckets of snow

Cause: Lake effect

Why: Cuz it's winter

Attitude: Pissy

I ran out of the house this morning knowing it would take me longer to get to work. So I hastily wrote a note and left it on the kitchen counter, "Some one! Please take the pork chops out of the freezer in the garage!" I grabbed my coffee and ran out the door. I didn't even sign it, "Love, mom." I was that stressed. So as I sit eating my lunch I'm really not sure if we are having pork chops or grilled cheese tonight. Bread! I need bread! I must stop for snow storm provisions.......again. Do we need milk? At this point who the hell cares. I'm so over these snow storms.

Anyway, Buckeye is enjoying it. She buries her nose in the snow and eats it.

It is now 9:00 pm, still snowing and we had pork chops.

Egg McMuffins, Frankie the Fish and Impending Doom

Your day just doesn't get any better when you get out of the house at break-neck, time to stop for an Egg McMuffin, speed. You miss the school bus that has plagued your morning commute since September. The phone at work doesn't ring until you've finished the glorious McAwesomness. And then, the best part of the great day, is when the parts department decides that Frankie the Fish, from the "famous" McDonalds commercial has to be stuck on the wall for all eternity. It just doesn't get any better than that, really, a great day. Even with the latest snow storm looming in the distance, on it's way to slam Northeast Ohio.

The radio weather people explained the impending doom:
"Sounds like you're explaining nor'easter Jane."
"That's exactly what's happening here Dan."

I had my own video on my phone but I'm not technologically advance to get it on my computer.

I have ten cans of soup. All is right in the world.

With one storm system under our belts, we, the mighty Northeast Ohioans, await the second one. The weather channel, talk show hosts, local news crews, the UPS deliver guy and the truck driver at work promise us at least another half foot of snow, more in the snow belt, by the time we wake up tomorrow. According to all of those experts "it's going to be a mess."

If it's going to be a mess I'll want to stay in the house, I thought to myself. And then my next though was, I better get dog food. Because Buckeye has been peeing in snow up past her twat for over a week now, the least I can do is make sure we don't run out of dog food.
I knew we needed "lake effect snow" provisions but the only item that I could grasp, hold on to, and run with was the dog food. So I went up and down every aisle.

Pickles, the last time I looked for pickles at home I couldn't find any, I bought some. Ten cans of soup for $10.00? Deal. Oh look, they have 4 bottles of Diet Sunkist, the only diet pop the diabetic will drink, threw them in the cart. Poke'Mon macaroni and cheese, the boys will think that's so funny, three boxes, because we already have 5 boxes of the Sponge Bob ones at home. Wouldn't it be funny if I forgot the dog food? I high tailed it to the pet aisle and threw a bag of lamb and barley in the cart along with some braided raw hides. On my way to the registers I grabbed a box of donuts for the diabetic.

It seems quite a few people had the same plan as me, all the registers were open. Half of them have the self scanning technology and the other half cashiers. I can't self scan, it just never works for me. So I waited longer for a cashier and ended up getting scolded by the woman. Apparently I wasn't suppose to take the coupon off the Frito Scoops, she was. What kind of sense does that make when half the registers are self scan? Hmmmm? I really, really want to point that out to her, really. But I held my tongue, I barely made it through the Alberta Clipper storm system and now facing impending doom with a Lake Effect Storm on the way, why tempt fate? The dog is now sitting in front of a roaring fire chewing on her new braided raw hide and I have ten cans of soup. All is right in the world.

See If You Can Detect The Note Of Sarcasm

How wonderful it was to wake up to an inch, and climbing, of fresh fallen snow this morning. After enjoying a week of a clear driveway, we can now start shoveling again. Years of snow removal experience has taught us a few tricks, start the car 10 minutes before work so the windows defrost, this way you jump in, roll down the windows and the excess snow falls off. But not this morning, the window were frozen shut. So for extra fun I got to scrap and scrap, while the snow blew down sideways. As the snow swirled around me I wondered just why I spent all that time on my hair. I was also treated to popping the SUV into 4 wheel drive to avoid sliding into a ditch, it was a exciting drive into work. Upon my arrival, I navigated my way through the parking lot carrying extra shoes, lunch, purse and coffee without peripheral vision, because I got to wear my heavy jacket with the big hood again.
Mother Nature, you ignorant slut.

A Winter Weather Warning Is In Effect

I'm snowed in today along with my family, I fear cabin fever maybe setting in. Every time the snowplow rumbles by the house the dog has to run up to the window and bark at it just to show the neighborhood who's boss. The dog is also having a hard time finding a place to pee, as the snow is up to her twat. Then she gets her leash wrapped around the light post and barks at me. She knows she has to go around it because as soon as I put on my fake Uggs and get lured out in the snow she unwinds herself and runs up the steps.

I had a Mrs. Kravitz moment today: The neighbor across the street drove into his driveway with his car and then backed out, drove in, backed out, drove in and backed out. Me, having nothing better to do, watched with interest.
"What's this moron doing?"
The only thing I could think of, is that he was trying to smoosh down the snow to avoid shoveling. I haven't had a Mrs. Kravitz moment for a while, I'll need to stare mindlessly out my office window more often, the neighbors never disappoint.
It seems I am now in charge of keeping the fire going in the fireplace, since the husband has fallen asleep. He couldn't take all the winter weather warnings streaming across the bottom of his TV screen. Boy #3 is hiding in his room, he knows I will soon present him with a shovel. I can be patient, he's going to get hungry soon.

I Think This Is My Fault

My last words on my last post were.......
I would love some snow right now.

Then while I slept under my new, lovely shade of cream colored comforter with two muddy paw-prints on it, it snowed. An arctic blast blew through Northeast Ohio, leaving a hell of a commute to work for those of us that had to go to work and not have the day off. Huh....
Should I blame it on that old tired saying, 'Be careful what you wish for.' I just wanted the mud covered up for a couple months so I could train the dog to wipe her paws. She could totally do it too. She's smart.
Maybe I have a blogging genie that's granting me wishes, I've made a few new blogging buddies over at Humor-Blogs.com. Maybe I've rub someone the right way. Ha! Thank you all by the way for the Smiley Votes and yes, I vote for myself, but it's just to see if the vote smiley thingamajig is working right.
Now don't forget my Financial Advice for tonight, given a couple days ago. I'm going to have to start a Financial Blog now, especially if this works.......
I would love a million dollars right now.

The Weekend Wallop

Ummmm...... It hasn't stopped snowing since Friday morning. This morning I was outside with Boy #2 helping him clean off my car so he could get to work. I made him take mine, it's 4 wheel drive. He's is now safely home and I can stop worrying. The snow is twice as high as it is in the picture and still coming down. Digging out maybe a little more than I thought it would be Monday morning. The weatherman here in Northeast Ohio, the legendary Dick Goddard, is calling it The Weekend Wallop!

Boredom Overtook Me

Boredom overtook me last night. I had to work. But you know how when a snow storm blows through your area and people decide to stay home? Well that has a rippling effect which trickled down to me causing extreme boredom. I sat contemplating banging my head against the wall just to pass the time. I think I looked at my cell phone clock 857 times. I even tried spelling out swear words on the calculator, some people are good at that. I can only spell out BOOB. Before now I really never had the time to experiment with a calculator, dear God now I do.