Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Invented a New Diet


What you need to do is get yourself a cheese danish out of a vending machine at work first thing in the morning. Wolf it down with a mocha while sitting at your desk trying to answer the phone. See you end up hardly chewing it because of the phone, it's a Murphy's Law thing, as soon as you bite off a piece of danish and I use the word danish loosely, the phone rings forcing you to either try and moosh it to the side of your mouth or swallow before you should. All this is perfectly fine if you plan to follow my diet. If not might I suggest finding time for a proper breakfast?
Now most diets are hard to follow, not this one, you're done. That fake cheese danish will sit in your stomach undigested for the entire day. It will be like a brick sitting at the bottom of your digestive track, giving you the sense of fullness. Husband brings home Chinese for dinner, "No thanks dear, I'm full."

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I'm the "Jack Bauer" of the office. I'm the only one that would try one of those cheese danishes. I've left instructions to be stopped at all cost if I buy another one. The cheese danishes just have no business being in the same vending machine with the Big Texas Cinnamon Roll - The Pastry of the Year! I'm not sure which year or if they keep winning it year after year, but they're in a league of their own those Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls are.


4 comments:

Nooter said...

mmmm... cheese danish...
ooohhhhh..

DouglasDyer said...

Um, some of us are watching our carbs! A little heads-up next time would be nice. Off to the vending machine...

Diesel said...

It actually says "Pastry of the Year" on it! I have to know who awards that. The National It's Almost Food Association?

ReformingGeek said...

I always had a sweet spot for the Mrs. Baird's Cinnamon Rolls in the vending machines. I am so glad I don't work in an office right now. I don't need those things to put cushy on my hips!