Saturday, March 27, 2010

Muddy Paw Mania

I had to see this coming right?
New couches + gobs and gobs of melted snow = muddy paw mania

The dog has had a bath 5 days in a row and number six is about to happen as soon as she's done barking at the neighbors. The water's already filling up in the tub and Boy #3 is on stand-by. He carries her in with her muddy paws sticking straight out. Did I mention she hates water?
This a picture of her trying to look cute and innocent but we know she could stay out of the mud if she'd just focus. It's really not necessary to take off barking at every person, dog walker, skate-boarder, bike-rider, jogger and Jehovah Witness that .......... well maybe them, that walks by the house.
So Buckeye gets to stay outside longer than usual to terrorize the neighborhood but with a huge price to pay, dragged into the tub night after night. This is a dog that when she hears the tub water running, she hides. She refuses to put all four paws down in the water at the same time, one must always be out of the water.

I must break from my post to go catch the dog.

Buckeye tried to make a run for the hills, she pulled her lead out of the mushy, muddy ground.
"She's loose!"
"She pulled her lead out and is headed for the street!"
"The dog?" Who else does he think we're keeping on a lead?
By this time I had my boots on the wrong feet and was out the door. I knew the easiest way to get her was to open the car door and ask her if she wanted to go on a car ride, but hmmmmm..... the mud. I opted for the step on the lead trick while the husband lured her in with biscuits, she's a biscuit whore.

All is well for now, she's in her little house pouting. She'll come out when she's hungry or dear God has to go out again.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

After 8 new epic episodes, I get my brain back

But until then it will float like a screen saver ball, haphazardly banging around the inside of my skull, rendering me useless, unable to form an intelligent thought until I find out what's going on on that stupid island.
LOST has held my brain captive this season, the final season, the one we find out all the answers. It's going to be epic. We've already found out the smoke monster is "evil incarnate"..... cool. And it can take on the form of dead people, that explains a lot. Oh and Sayid is a zombie. He was dead for two hours and came back to life, you can't argue with me on this. He's already killed the cool Japanese guy and his interpreter. This zombie situation must be addressed immediately. We all know what happens when zombies are left to run amok. And it's really not the direction I'd like to see the show go in. They need to chop off Sayid's head.
As much as I have been looking forward to this final season, I'll be glad when it's over too. I want reasonable thoughts to flow through my head again instead of trying to figure out why Richard hasn't aged in like 200 years.


This is the latest excuse as to why I don't post often enough for Relax Max.

Saturday, March 06, 2010


It's the best ringtone ever and I have it. The first time it actually went off on my phone I was at work with several co-workers in the immediate area. It was great, I jumped up and down, "Do you guys hear it? Isn't it awesome?" There was some eye rolling and I think someone called me a retard.


I answered it. It was my doctor. He could have told me I had three months to live and I would have been still giggling, maybe.
"I have the results of your blood tests, you're not a diabetic, your vitamin D levels are good and your cholesterol is fine."
"Wait a minute, last week you told me my blood pressure was 110 over 70 and now your telling me my cholesterol is fine? Somethings suspicious here. My parents have both been struggling with high blood pressure and high cholesterol for years and years."
"Ummm, we can do a DNA test next, find out who's you daddy."
"No, no I think it's best I confront those two, who ever they are, first."


Wednesday, March 03, 2010

My inability to communicate with the Asians continues

Oh, wow, sushi in a grocery store food court........huh, and with chopsticks. Someone's trying not to blend in with the rest of us lonely, grocery store lunch time losers.
I continued to eat my salad and cottage cheese while keeping an eye on the chopsticks. Yes, I was waiting for her to drop the raw fish, but she kept popping them in her mouth after dipping each of them in some kind of sauce. I have to admit, she had chopstick skills.
I was talked into trying sushi at a bridal shower a few years ago. I shoved the whole thing in my mouth, it was gross. I just can't get past the raw fish idea, I've seen raw fish before and smelled it. So I sat there chewing, wondering how to gracefully spit it out. That's when the video camera, manned by my nieces Asian friend, came by to ask me if I had anything profound to say to the future bride. She waited patiently with the camera trained on my face, as I just about swallowed the sushi whole.
"So do you have any words of advice or encouragement for the bride?" Whoever started this tradition should be shot.
"I'm sorry, they (pointing to my in-laws) just made me eat sushi, it was awful."
Remember this is all on camera.
"Oh, I made that." The Asian friend of my niece said. "I don't think it turned out as good as it usually does, I was in a hurry, sorry."
I think my niece got all the information she needed from me by then.