Thursday, June 26, 2008

Just Call Me Fat-Ass

Because it's only a matter of time before it's true. Half the summer is gone and I've done far less strenuous activities than previous summers. I've gone to the pool but I find myself napping instead of swimming and that might explain the uneven-ness of the tan this year. An even tan is a full-time job, it isn't easy.
I blame EntreCard and blogging.
I fear I may be setting a poor example for the dog. She likes to follow me around, she's found a comfortable spot near my computer. The both of us will have an ass the size of a bus if we continue down this lazy path of inactivity. We're going on a walk tonight, as soon as I finish these Reese's Cups.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Carcass in the Driveway

You have to wonder what's got to happen to a chipmunk that it would just keel over dead in your driveway. The possibilities are endless but I've narrowed it down to two that are not necessarily correct but amusing.
Heart attack? Did it's heart finally give out after digging too many holes in my flower beds? Or with my active imagination and the fact that I watch way too much television, did someone put it there? You know with a
Luca Brasi swims with the the fishes kind of warning. Does a dead chipmunk have some sort of meaning in the world of organized crime?
Now to the matter at hand,
I never have and never will take an active part in dead animal disposal. With three boys and a husband I shouldn't have to. So when Boy #3 informed me of the chipmunk carcass in the driveway I said, "Ewwwwwwww."
Then, "How are you going to handle this honey?"
He settled on a triple WalMart bag, the dogs pooper scooper, duct tape and rubber bands. That dead chipmunk isn't going anywhere.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Double Secret Probation

I put the dog on double secret probation last night. If you look closely at the picture you can see what my comforter use to look like, before the dog ripped all the stuffing out of the hole she tore down the middle of my comforter that matches my curtains. The hole is completely through and there was a small garbage bag full of the cotton stuffing all over my side of the bed. My side of the bed, because amazingly enough the husband was asleep when the dog decided to kill my comforter. While I was at it, I put him on double secret probation too.
"I guess I have to buy you a new comforter, huh?"
"Oh yeah, this is going to cost you."
The dog is so lucky she's cute.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Careless Screw-Up

If I'm not careful, I'm going to be looked upon as a careless screw-up. My children will start nursing home shopping earlier than they should have to, my husband might take my checkbook away, work might put me in the basement office and mom and dad will change the will.
Last week I ate leftovers that were leftover too long, missed a day of work and that's about all I'm willing share about that horrific day. Sunday I stayed at the pool to long and now I'm beet-red, the peeling should start in a couple day. That's going to be attractive. I almost missed Father's Day. I thought it was 2:00 and it was 3:00, made the mistake of telling mom that. So I showed up at the door with a Father's Day present and a can of baked beans.
After I stop glowing, I'll have to redeem myself somehow.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Office Exterminator

I amused my co-workers today. Innocently, I brought in the mail as usual. Much to my surprise the object I saw out of the corner of my eye hanging from the catalogs and envelopes was not an object but a spider hanging from part of it's web I dislodge from the mailbox. Here's where the co-workers started to laugh, well after my yelp they did. The spider shimmied up it's web and rested on a catalog. This is when the discussion ensued. How does Sue get rid of her unwanted desk mate? Nothing like, "Here let me do it."
The best advice I received was, "Use these scissors and move the catalog, the spider will fall to the ground and then step on it."
So crazy it might work.
Only when it started to fall, it stopped in mid-air because of the whole web shooting thing that spiders are capable of. (you've seen Spiderman, you know what I'm talking about)
Being the quick thinker that I am and ready to kill anything that crawls near me, I cut the web with my scissors, the spider fell to the ground and I stepped on it. Then I waved my hands around like a moron. I'm quite certain that this scene will not be forgotten soon by my co-workers. The story got around the office and shop pretty quick. I can only hope that I'm not thought of as the office exterminator, I really don't want to do that again.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Excuse Me? Where's The Midol?

Is it just me? Can WalMart make it a little easier to find the Midol? I had a long list when I walked into WalMart yesterday, but the first thing on it was Midol. I couldn't find it. My aggravation level grew at an alarming rate. Chocolate was going to be piled high in that cart later. Frustrated and ready to ask just about anyone the where abouts of the Midol, I heard the pharmacy chain-link garage door going down. Dear God they're closing and the knowledge I sought, closing with them.
"Excuse me? Hello?" I waved my hand grasping for someone to notice me. I grabbed the attention of a woman and yelled, "Where's the Midol?" And didn't care who heard me. She actually came out of the chain-link pharmacy cage and took me to my relief. On the bottom shelf for goodness sakes!