Thursday, October 27, 2011

From the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude files, #7857-X3A

Good News, they are alive and well, vacationing in China, their home land. That's right I found out their ethnicity, Chinese. Shooting my Vietnamese Prison Guard in a Chuck Norris movie theory all to hell. I picked mother up for a day at the mall, she had Macy's gift cards burning a hole in her pocket. When we got in the car I told her we had to stop at the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dudes. She was excited about this because it meant I would blog about him instead of her. Because shopping with mother is a trip. She knows my weaknesses and pounces on them.

So I looked at her and said,

"This doesn't mean you can spray me with 5 different samples of perfume. And limit yourself to one maybe two if you want a ride home."

"What about lotion?"

"That all depends on how much you want my head to hurt and if you want me to start Nursing Home shopping."

Once in the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dudes parking lot I said,

"This guy hasn't been here in over a month, I don't know what's going on in there."

"Ask them where he is."

"I don't think they understand me."

I went in with my 4 shirt and $7 ah 20. Just as I suspected, strangers. I decided to try to break the language barrier and communicate.

"Are you under new management?"

And surprisingly the Chinese woman strung along a series of comprehendable sentences,

"No, uncle and auntie are vacationing in China to see their new grandchild. Be back in 2 month. That's seven dollars and twenty-five cents please."

Get right on out of here, not only did I find out they're Chinese, but they are old enough to have grandkids and my 4 shirt went up 5 cents.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The geek in me.

The geek in me would not let me continue my shopping until I took this picture. A glorious PEZ collectors item that is Lord of the Rings. It's on my Christmas list. As you can see it's fifteen dollars and something cents, which apparently is unbeatable. I think the price is a little high when you take into account all the characters that are not represented. But it's still a lot of PEZ.
Also staying on the road of geekdome for the entire weekend, I plan to watch the new show Once Upon A Time. This may end up on my other blog, View of Sue if I can remember the password to post there. It's suppose to be about storybook characters that fall upon a curse from Snow White's Evil Queen. They are brought out of Storybook land and into the real world and they can't leave there town called Storybrook and they can't remember who they are and time stands still............see every time I try to explain it to someone in the house they look at me with guarded concern and seem fearful of my sanity. But that's a good thing, I like to keep them on their toes. It's on in 15 minutes.
Don't forget to check with each other before you buy my Christmas present, I only want one. I will compile a list for the rest of you.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Damn my ancestors for choosing this God forsaken frozen tundra we call Northeast, Ohio

Did you know that there are people down south that are walking on the beach without shoes or socks in their bathing suits? Hmmmm? It's not fair. Damn my ancestors for choosing this God forsaken frozen tundra we call Northeast, Ohio. It's about 53 degrees out there and raining.
Yes, I'm home from the sunshine state, Florida. It was 88 degrees when we left. My tan is peeling off and I have socks and slippers on, the husband is wrapped in a blanket on the couch, we have yet to adjust to the real world. Oh and the car ride, that's a long drive. We are walking around like a couple 80 year olds. Dear God, my back.
I'm not sure when I will begin cooking again, I've grown accustom to people bringing me food, taking away my dishes and giving them money for it. I know that won't work here, "they" have to be hungry, we only left them with a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. Tough love, they fended for themselves. My only stipulation was to take care of the dog. We left her a new bag of dog food, two boxes of biscuits and $10.00 with a sticky note on it saying, "DOG FOOD MONEY".
Since she was alive, well feed and showed no visible signs of distress when we got home "they" received real souvenirs instead of hotel soap. We also bought a bushel of oranges which we let them eat too. One was sick when we left and the other sick when we got home. So we have that to look forward to. Great to be home, really.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Poolside from Florida

I know it's been some time since last I posted, I've been vacationing hard. But now I have another "by the pool" post because I'm in Florida by the pool. Me and Panama Jack aka the husband are poolside. Those of you who know the husband might find it hard to believe that he's poolside. Let me paint you a picture because he forbids pics. I must tread carefully.

Since my molecular structure allows me to become golden brown with very little effort and just the aid of the sun, it's that big yellow thing in the sky for those of you up North that won't see it until April-ish, packing our beach bag today was a challenge for me and Whitey. He burns, peels and then burns again. We've been at the pool for less than an hour and I think I need to spray him down with SPF 70 again. He walked out of the bedroom with his button up, collared, flowered, tourist shirt and his swim trunks on, completing the look, sunglasses and flip flops.

I asked him where my husband was and what he did with him? Was he okay and who is it that is accompanying me to the pool today. While we've been poolside he's been excellent company and whoever he is I really don't mind sharing my corner of pool space with him.

It's the other people that have become quite annoying. They haven't shut up since we got here and I have no idea what language they are speaking. We pretty much understand none of our neighbors. The ones next store to us speak French, at least I thought it was French. But the husband, who took French in high school and says it's Portuguese. Since I've never heard Portuguese I can't argue with him. We agree on the Germans and the Mexicans. And these loud annoying people at the pool right now, we're guessing some kind of Arabic, because they have a dark molecular structure too. They don't need sunscreen. So really right now the husband is sticking out like a sore thumb. He's as bright as the sun, a ray of sunshine, if it is truly him. Whoever he is I am enjoying his company.

So the Florida Gulf Coast has seemed to become a beacon to the non-English speaking vacationers. With every car that pulls into the parking lot we've made a game of guessing what language comes out of their mouths.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

A texting log of Day 1

The following is a text log of our first day of travel:
9:40 am: My text to Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 - On the road. We have driven 1 mile and still getting along.
Daughter-in-law #1 - Yay I can't wait to see u
My text to Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 - Preliminary plans are being made on first rest stop. Have to pee. Words have been exchanged on stopping for breakfast.
Boy #1 - LOL still in ohio
My text to Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 - In WV. Didn't get breakfast. Dad said I haven't annoyed him yet and he thought I would have by now. He's getting on my nerves.
Daughter-in-law #1 - LOL ur making good time
Boy #1 - LOL he talkin 2 much
Boy #1 - How do you like the WV mountains
My text to Boy #1 - Sorry for the delayed response found an antique shop. WV mountains are beautiful.

This is when we lost contact with the world in the West Virginia mountains. When I got my signal back I added Boy #3 to the texting conversation.

My text to Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 and Boy #3 - We are now at the yelling at each other point but laughing about it. The GPS is trying to drive us off a bridge because dad called her a bitch right at the start of our trip. We are now using the google map that I'm reading. I'm scared.
Boy #3 - Thats a great way to start a vacation lol

The GPS bitch just told us to turn right into a mountain. She hates us. She seems to be trying to lull us into a false sense of security and then pulling a quick right turn. I'm on to her.

We were making good time, about 50 miles away from our agreed area to get a room but hit a bumper to bumper stand still traffic jamb. Damn.
7:00 pm - We are uncertain as to what state we are in. At some point we missed the "Welcome to North Carolina" sign. The GPS lady really has us rattled.

Having a great time wish you were here!

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Raising Aging Parents 101

If dad says he can get to the Emergency Room of his choice several cities away, like over a half hour away, faster than an ambulance, then he can. Get in the car and shut up you're wasting time and it's raining outside, just get in the car. So I got in the car and called Erv.

"I'm in the car, they won't call 911." He swore a little bit and said he'd meet us there. I don't know at what age the parents must become before they let their children start calling the shots but I can tell you, we're not there yet, me and Erv. In the car Erv called me again, "You make sure when you get there to tell them mom's having chest pains, they'll take her right away."
Me: "She is having chest pains."
Mom: "No, I'm not having them right now."
Erv: "Let me talk to her."
Mom: "No, I don't want to talk to him."
Me: "She doesn't want to talk to you."
Erv: "Tell them she's having chest pains."
Me: "I plan on it, really."
Holy Mother of God the drama. Once on the freeway the rain became heavier thank goodness for the car ahead of us, we could at least see his tail lights. That was until he pulled under a bridge to wait it out. Dad continued. He's going to give me a heart attack, isn't that ironic? Did I mention there was hail too?
Once mom was ushered to an Emergency Room holding tank, Exam Room M, I went to wait for Erv. We discussed our stubborn parents while tests were being done and I held on to mom's overnight bag. We've been through the drill many times before and knew chest pains meant a 24 hour observation st
To unders
tand this picture you will need the aid of a previous post. It will explain our unnatural fear of infection. But if you're pressed for time, we clean hospital rooms that loved ones are staying in to make sure they are really, really clean. But mom forgot her bleach soaked rags when she packed her overnight bag. This is when the four of us stuck our heads together and improvised. We stuffed a rubber glove full of bleach wipes we found in a official looking container on the counter. That's Erv holding it and that's my dads shoulder in the chair on the left, they are so alike.
When we arrived in the 24 hour observation room and the nurse left, we frantically sta
rted to wipe down the room while mom sat in her bed pointing to things we forgot. You might as well do something with all that nervous energy.
The 24 hour observation and tests determined some kind of blockage so we moved to the Cleveland Clinic and a whole new room to clean. Some time in between the drive to the Emergency Room and wonderful outcome of one artery being op
ened up with three stints, I rifled through the closets and drawers in moms room and found these, taught Dad how to use a digital camera and convinced him to leave his cell phone on even when he isn't going to make a call, showed him where the 911 emergency button is and told him to use it when necessary. I'm literally dragging them through the 21st Century.