Damn my ancestors for choosing this God forsaken frozen tundra we call Northeast, Ohio

Did you know that there are people down south that are walking on the beach without shoes or socks in their bathing suits? Hmmmm? It's not fair. Damn my ancestors for choosing this God forsaken frozen tundra we call Northeast, Ohio. It's about 53 degrees out there and raining.
Yes, I'm home from the sunshine state, Florida. It was 88 degrees when we left. My tan is peeling off and I have socks and slippers on, the husband is wrapped in a blanket on the couch, we have yet to adjust to the real world. Oh and the car ride, that's a long drive. We are walking around like a couple 80 year olds. Dear God, my back.
I'm not sure when I will begin cooking again, I've grown accustom to people bringing me food, taking away my dishes and giving them money for it. I know that won't work here, "they" have to be hungry, we only left them with a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. Tough love, they fended for themselves. My only stipulation was to take care of the dog. We left her a new bag of dog food, two boxes of biscuits and $10.00 with a sticky note on it saying, "DOG FOOD MONEY".
Since she was alive, well feed and showed no visible signs of distress when we got home "they" received real souvenirs instead of hotel soap. We also bought a bushel of oranges which we let them eat too. One was sick when we left and the other sick when we got home. So we have that to look forward to. Great to be home, really.

Poolside from Florida

I know it's been some time since last I posted, I've been vacationing hard. But now I have another "by the pool" post because I'm in Florida by the pool. Me and Panama Jack aka the husband are poolside. Those of you who know the husband might find it hard to believe that he's poolside. Let me paint you a picture because he forbids pics. I must tread carefully.

Since my molecular structure allows me to become golden brown with very little effort and just the aid of the sun, it's that big yellow thing in the sky for those of you up North that won't see it until April-ish, packing our beach bag today was a challenge for me and Whitey. He burns, peels and then burns again. We've been at the pool for less than an hour and I think I need to spray him down with SPF 70 again. He walked out of the bedroom with his button up, collared, flowered, tourist shirt and his swim trunks on, completing the look, sunglasses and flip flops.

I asked him where my husband was and what he did with him? Was he okay and who is it that is accompanying me to the pool today. While we've been poolside he's been excellent company and whoever he is I really don't mind sharing my corner of pool space with him.

It's the other people that have become quite annoying. They haven't shut up since we got here and I have no idea what language they are speaking. We pretty much understand none of our neighbors. The ones next store to us speak French, at least I thought it was French. But the husband, who took French in high school and says it's Portuguese. Since I've never heard Portuguese I can't argue with him. We agree on the Germans and the Mexicans. And these loud annoying people at the pool right now, we're guessing some kind of Arabic, because they have a dark molecular structure too. They don't need sunscreen. So really right now the husband is sticking out like a sore thumb. He's as bright as the sun, a ray of sunshine, if it is truly him. Whoever he is I am enjoying his company.

So the Florida Gulf Coast has seemed to become a beacon to the non-English speaking vacationers. With every car that pulls into the parking lot we've made a game of guessing what language comes out of their mouths.

The Winn Dixie or Bust

Being a born and bred Northeast, Ohio native I can tell you that I am 92% sure that I have never visited a Winn Dixie. If I have, it was when I was young and on a family vacation. I may have been dragged in by my mother when we went south but in the recesses of my mind I cannot see a Winn Dixie in any corner of my brain. I may have blocked it out completely because when we were on a family vacation if I wasn't in the pool, I wasn't happy. I'm pretty sure I was a royal pain in the ass if we weren't swimming.
Our grown up vacation is getting closer, 5 weeks. We'll be in Florida to visit Boy #1 and Daughter-in-Law #1. Since the big trip is getting closer, plans are starting to form. I spoke with Daughter-in-Law #1 two days ago and told her that our hotel has a little kitchenette. And before I could say "groceries" she began to sing the praises of The Winn Dixie. She's taking me there to stock up my hotel kitchenette because, according to Daughter-in-Law #1, it's awesome. I'm stoked. Five weeks away from vacation and I already have a place to go. I've also requested to have breakfast at an I-Hop. Again, whether it's early Alzheimer's or I've led quite a sheltered life, I've never been to an I-Hop. Years ago before Lewis Black became popular I saw him on Comedy Central talking about going to the International House of Pancakes and decided I needed to go.

Jokes.com
Lewis Black - College Horse
comedians.comedycentral.com
Lewis Black Comedians Stark Raving Black Videos

I hope this video works I couldn't find it on YouTube, I might have to just give you the link.
So to recap, I will be in Florida in five weeks visiting the Winn Dixie and an I-Hop and I hear there's a beach around there somewhere too.

Pop

Let me explain my absence. "Advanced" Creative Writing Class has been wonderful but also time consuming. I'm learning a lot, writing a lot and writing some more. Personal essays seem to be my thing and for some reason when I sit down to write an assignment it comes out serious, go figure. I thought I was a goof-ball writer but found I have a serious side of writing that is screaming to get out. I can't stop the words, they just keep coming. But I told my sister-in-law I'd make her laugh today. The last time I posted something on http://www.skirt.com/, I made her cry, so I owe her a laugh.

______________________________________

Boy #1 moved to Florida this past weekend. Actually that's how I made Debbie cry, writing about this. But that's the direction we're going, south. Along with all the unwanted advice we gave Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 before the big move, I also added,

"Now Boy #1, don't you come home to visit and call Pepsi a soda. You are a born and bred Northeast Ohioan, we say pop."

"I would never say soda."

"Damn right."

"I promise."

"No other part of the country calls it pop but us, nobody in the world does but us and we're damn proud of it, ya here?"

"Yes ma'am. Pop. Pop, pop, pop."

"That's mommy's boy. Now this is what I want you to do. You get yourself settled in Florida and then you convert the entire state into saying pop."

"I can do that. I'll keep a list."

"Yes, very good, a list. That's the way to think."

"They'll never know what hit them."

"And if it works......"

"It will work."

"We can send the other two off to different states."

"Diabolical."

"Downright diabolical."

St. Augustine is Hoppin'

More information is coming in from the Florida front! The aunts and uncles feed me information from Florida to pass on to my mom and dad. Mom and dad don’t think much of emailing. They are anti-technology. Most of the aunts and uncles that have fled the Northeast Ohio winter weather are located near St. Augustine. It sounds like they are having fun. The latest email is informing me of First Friday Weekend Art Walk. Starting December 7th and 8th and then every first Friday and Saturday every month there is, what the aunts and uncles are so excited about, St. Augustine Artwalk. There will be art exhibits from painting to photography, architecture, music, refreshments and a lot more. It sounds like the streets of St. Augustine will be hoppin’! They can do that sort of thing in the winter in Florida without getting frostbite. My next Florida vacation will be in or very near St. Augustine, it’s a beautiful city from what I’m hearing through the family email chain. And as I watch the snow come down as I type, well hear we go again with the shovels, boots and snow scrapers. St. Augustine sounds more appealing the deeper we get into the lovely Northeast Ohio weather.