Saturday, August 20, 2016

The $5.00 swear jar

Text from Boy #2: Would you guys try really hard not to swear when we come over Sunday?
My text back: Did you swear in front of my grandson?
Boy #2: Yes.
Me: I'm on it.
I proceeded to inform the husband, Boy #1 and Boy #3 that there will be no swearing in the house from the minute my precious 2-1/2 year old grandbaby steps over our threshold to the minute he steps out. And we mulled it over for about half a day then reconvened to discuss our options.
I brought up practicing saying fudge, shoot and heck. Boy #1 said,
"I'm not saying fudge."
I responded,
"I have duct tape."
The husband came up with a brilliant plan,
"Let's make this interesting. We all put $5.00 in and whoever doesn't swear gets the $20.00."
We all agreed.
Sunday rolls around and we tell Boy #2 and Daughter-in-Law #2 about our plan and the money riding on it. This proved later to be a huge mistake. Because Boy #2 is the master of mayhem and has a level of high jinx most of us can only dream of. Long story short, he baited us. Boy #1 was out within the first hour. The husband lasted two hours. It was down to Boy #3 and me. Boy #3 has always chosen his words wisely. He guards them with care being the youngest of three boys, he learned at a young age to be careful what he said or he would be made fun of, mercilessly.
The day turned to early evening and I was starting to clean up. With my hands full I ask Boy #2 to help me,
"Just move that over so I can set this down."
He proceeded to move it and move it back. Then move it and move it back again, several times until I said,
 His eyes danced around evilly, grinning from ear to ear,
"I got you. Ha! Gotcha."
Boy #3 exclaims,
"Mom swore? Did mom swear? I won!"
"But....I....wait a minute.......he baited me."

Tuesday, August 09, 2016


What the hell is that? I put the dog out this morning and noticed my light post was more crooked than usual. So I tried to fix it. It looks like hell. I thought there was a leaf on it so I grabbed it and it moved. I shit you not.

Look at it. What is it? Some kind of moth? Will it kill me? Just what fly's around my neighborhood in the middle of the night? If I saw that flying towards me I'd pee myself.
My first attempt to remove it from my light post was a failure. It's feet or claws were stuck. So already having touched it once, I took a step back to figure out this dilemma. If it falls it would be within the dogs reach and she would eat it, no question about that. Removing it would mean carrying it beyond her reach and touching it again. I was creeped out. What if it's poisonous? But it's white and fuzzy underneath. How bad can white and fuzzy be?
No choice, I took a hold of it's leaf wing and flung it in the air thinking it would fly away. Instead it plummeted to the ground. Son of a bitch. The dog could still get it. I touched it a third time and moved it to the other side of the driveway, in the grass. But it was in the sun. I then moved it under the truck in the shade. Four times I touched this thing so I am concerned as to it's origin.
Now I'm wondering if it needs water. WTF is wrong with me? I have to go check on it.
Holy crap it's gone. What a little trooper. Unless something ate it. I either saved it or feed something. And yes, I washed my hands with industrial cleaner.