Friday, May 31, 2013

Because I'm a dork

I had on my Arrested Development t-shirt while shopping today. On it says, "There is always money in the banana stand." I loved that show, have been watching the repeats, somehow trying to see season 4 but I don't have Netflix. Boy #1 and daughter-in-law #1 bought the t-shirt for my birthday. Yay.
Let's get back to WalMart, sorry. I'm wearing the t-shirt, we've established that but it's an important part of the story. I find myself in the produce section. I look over the bananas and place a small bunch in my shopping cart. I look at the bananas. I look at my t-shirt. I look at the banana display. I repeated this several time before I say, "How ironic."
I started to linger at the Banana Stand. Do I ask a complete stranger to take my picture? How about this employee stocking onions? I knew I would kick myself if I didn't get a picture. I decided if I saw someone I knew then the stars have aligned, the moon was in the seventh house and I was meant to have my picture taken in WalMart, with my Banana Stand t-shirt, next to the banana display.

As soon as I made that decision I started on my way to the check out and there she was, Sarah. A young lady my kids went to school with, a poor unsuspecting kid that was going to take my picture with a pile of bananas. I just sort of lead her away from whatever she was doing and explained to her not to worry, I do this all the time. Because I'm a dork. I also looked for the scene on You Tube, but couldn't find the entire one and didn't feel like looking real hard.  Thank you Sarah! I have a new essay published in Imperfect Parent. Very exciting. I you could please click the link and then click their little Face Book icon so they think I'm popular. I would really appreciate it. Here!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Kookamongaville's cast of characters are beginning to emerge

Sometimes it takes a little bit of sunshine to get people out of their houses and start to walk amongst us. This includes all my crazy neighbors who have started to emerge. First the dog and I walked down the Pajama Mans street because we haven't been there in quite some time. It was time to check on him, we were both wondering if he had received any new pajamas or if he was still rockin' his old ones. We were disappointed to see he wasn't wandering the streets but his chair was out, garage door open and he flag was up. We will have to try again tomorrow.
On the up side I said good morning to the Russian Lady, she was out for her march. She doesn't walk, she marches. Perhaps that's what they do in third world communist countries, you know learn to march before they can walk. I didn't get a good morning back in her heavy Russian accent, just a nod. I think she's scared of the dog. I'm pretty sure she's Russian, she sounds like it to me. But I have learned from Dancing With The Stars that Ukrainians sound the same. So who know where she learned to march. I just can't wait to get poolside when she's there with all her kin to listen to them ishkabibble.
So the neighborhood promises to be a continuing source of amusement for my blog now that we are almost sure it isn't going to snow anymore. Kookamonga is on the loose.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

WalMart you big beautiful building of 7 kinds of crazy, nothing but love for you.

I sent the husband to the wild goose chase that is WalMart. He said he was going there to pick up something and asked if I wanted anything. He was expecting me to say milk or bread. Instead I rattled off a list that I was certain he would ignore and I would end up going myself. But since it was my birthday he told me that I better write it down. Huh?
Still unconvinced I began to write items on my list that where out of the ordinary. For instance coconut milk, I have developed a taste for it and was running low. Kale, who doesn’t enjoy a good kale and spinach smoothie? I put spinach on the list too. I told him to get himself some tangerines and of course we needed milk.
He told me he wandered the aisles for coconut milk, called me from the produce aisle and asked me what kale looked like. I then told him I forgot to put chocolate on the list. By the time he got to one of the 2 open check out lines he was frazzeled. It isn’t a good idea to be frazzeled before you get there because you damn sure are going to be once you’re standing in line. I’ve learned to just read a magazine while standing during incompetence. But the husband let’s the smoke come out of his ears and pops several blood vessels in his brain. Veins swell on his forehead and neck. Really if you’ve ever seen him in a WalMart line you would next expect him to transform into The Hulk. In fact I think he does turn a little bit green.
By the time he got home with everything on the list but kale he was wound up tighter than a drum. And with a new found appreciation for me since I do this chore once a week. You might think this was a little evil of me to send him out there, alone to the WalMart wolves but he was making fun of my age all day. I feel I was justified.