Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday Myth

Black Friday had me curled up in the fetal position ascared to leave my bed. Crazed shoppers, long lines, bargains to kill for, crowds of people wrestling iPods from your grasp, mass hysteria. I was content to hold up in my house until it was over and emerge the next day, unscathed. That was until I noticed we were out of dog food. I would walk through fire for my dog. Also, I had to get a present for my brother who insisted on sharing his birthday month with Jesus.

"If I'm not back in an hour call 911." I told Boy #3.
"Would you pick me up a couple cheeseburgers?"
"Do you want fries with that?"

I think we were mislead, bamboozled, run amok. There were no lines and I didn't fear for my life. I actually shopped. Before today I had five stocking stuffers bought so far, for my Christmas shopping. I now have a few things checked off my list and feeling confident that I'll finish. Black Friday is a myth, fear not!

Monday, November 24, 2008

For When The Zombies Attack

"I found another box of canned goods in the garage. What's it doing there?" The husband asked me with his 'I already know the answer to this question but I what to hear you say it out loud' voice.'
"For when the zombies attack dear."
"You watched Shaun of The Dead again?"
"If it can happen to a bunch of people in England, it can happen to us."
"Our youngest child sleeps with a golf club next to his bed because he knows you have to remove the head or kill the brain."

So I have some food stored away. There's nothing wrong with being prepared. We live in Northeast Ohio, the place where weathermen threaten us with "lake effect" snow and "Alberta Clippers" on a daily basis throughout our excruciatingly long winter. Any day we could wake up to 10 feet of snow barricading our first and secondary exits. Well I have enough tuna and Spam to last us a month if necessary.

I did watch Shaun of the Dead Saturday and I can't get Don't Stop Me Now by Queen out of my head. Caution "F" word:

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Big Snow

Thursday the snow started to fall, I think it was Thursday. We can't call it a blizzard, just a good covering of snow. Enough to cover the leaves that never got raked, so our yard looks like everyone else's now. The dog woke up to the snow covered neighborhood with utter excitement, she bopped around from one window to the next, her ears perked up and tail wagging and said, "Can I, can I, huh, huh, huh, can I go out and play, huh, huh?"
My dog talks to me with her eyes, I know that's what she would have said if she could really talk.
So I clipped her onto her chain and off she went to frolic in the snow. Had tethering the boys to a chain when they wanted to go out and play been an option a few years ago I'd be saving a lot of money on hair coloring right now.
Being totally unprepared for this winter just like every other year, I went to the Wal-Mart to purchase my first, of many, bags of rock salt for my icy front steps. You have to wonder, having the aisles stocked with an ample supply of snow removal items, why am I risking my life in the Wal-mart parking lot? They were as unprepared as I was for the first big snow. Open up a few bags of salt guys, so I can push this shopping cart to my car.
One more big snow thought for the day. Since Uncle Silly Willy and Aunt Fluffy headed south for the winter, I should be getting a call from them soon asking me how the weather is and then hearing a giggle.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Cool Old Lady Glasses

My eye doctor and I have come to an understanding. Avoid looking old. I can’t see up close and I can’t see far away. She says she likes a good challenge and understands all to well the bi-focal thing. She’s a few years younger than me and knows that at around forty-twoish, the close up vision starts to faultier. It’s hard to feel young when you have a pair of glasses perched on the end of your nose and you have to look over them at someone when they start to talk to you. I don’t want to look like a librarian, it’s really not the look I’m going for. Back to the understanding. I will continue to wear contacts, but refuse to wear contacts with bi-focals, it makes me nauseous just thinking about them. I will have a secret pair of bi-focals. I shall call them my Holiday frames, because they are going to end up being my Christmas present. Even though I plan on keeping these old lady glasses to myself, I’m still going to get cool frames. I found pages of reasonably priced frames at and there are some cool ones. Cool old lady glasses, I think that’s what you call an oxymoron.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Boy #3 Set Me Up

"I'm going to eat ice cream for lunch."
"I think you should." Boy #3 encouraged me.
"I can eat ice cream for lunch if I want to, you can't because you're still growing and you need to eat healthy."
"I'm making myself a sandwich right now." Boy #3 agreed with me.
"If I want to get this laundry done and blog, I don't have time to be opening jars and stuff. I have over half of a large German Chocolate Blizzard just sitting in the freezer."
"I'll eat left-overs for dinner." Boy #3 was helpful.
"That would be great, I could get a lot done."
"No problem mom." Boy #3 smiled at me.
"Do you have any homework tonight?"
"I'm doing it as soon as I'm done with my healthy sandwich." Boy #3 is being responsible.
Somethings not right, can you feel that?
"Mom?" Boy #3 was up to something.
Uh Oh.
"Friday, I'm going to spike my hair up for school." Boy #3 was making his move.
"Absolutely not."
"Oh come on now, you wouldn't want grandma to find out you ate ice cream for lunch would you?" Boy #3 set me up.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

But I’ve Procrastinated

It was inevitable; I’ve been literally sitting on my butt doing absolutely nothing with my free blog I won it in a contest almost a year ago and have hardly done anything with it. I have a little over two months left of the freeness of it. The decision will have to be made whether to keep it or not. You know pay for it now. I had such plans, but Word Press baffled me. I know there are many knowledgeable bloggers out there with free information, but I’ve procrastinated. I hate when that happens.

Cpanels, web hosting, domain hosting, well they’ve left me crossed-eyed. And I know once I get into it I’ll end up crying too. But since I’m not a quitter I’ve just made the decision to spend Black Friday on my blog – all day. I have the day off and I won’t be shopping with the crazy people.

I came up with the idea of Diabetic Ride when the husband was diagnosed with diabetes two days before Christmas last year. A blog to tactfully and tastefully make fun of the husband’s life threatening disease. It can be done. I do it out of love, really, as I learn how to keep him alive.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The International Incident

Sunday dinners have become an afternoon of eating, laughing and reminiscing. Boy #1 and Boy #2 laugh at the torture they've put Boy #3 through. "Remember the time we had to get the neighbor kid to help us hold you down so mom could cut your hair?" I think he's held up pretty well with all the abuse.
"Remember when you broke your arm in Canada?"
"Whooaa, wait a minute. I remember the time YOU broke my arm in Canada. Four whole years ago. I sorta remember being body slammed onto the hotel bed and being pumped full of Canadian aspirin so we could air quote experience air quote The Maid of the Mist. He couldn't air quote back then but he more than makes up for it now.
You see our insurance company wouldn't pay for an international emergency room visit and the husband had already taken the car to the casino. Once he saw that I had everything under control of course. A hotel towel secured with a rubber band was what he considered under control.
Once back in our own country we went to the doctor, who didn't seem overly concerned about the arm until the x-rays got back. "Both bones are broken all the way through, he should be crying."
"He's juiced on Canadian aspirin, good stuff."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

And The Tantrum Ensued

I'd like to thank the three snot-nosed children behind me at the Wal-Mart checkout for inspiring this post. Along with their clueless parents of course. With the shopping cart separating us, I loaded my bags. Keeping a sharp eye on the little darlings, hoping they would keep their grimy little hands off my stuff.
Having three children myself I know that four hands against six never ends well. That is why I always grocery shopped alone. Grocery shopping is a chore, not a family outing. One able bodied parent is all you need to complete the task. It always amazed me that an entire family would venture out to do this weekly chore. Everyone gets done faster if you leave them at home, everyone. A family of five blocks an aisle, keeping me from progressing towards my goal - being done. Inevitable temper tantrums block aisles also. When they get loose, they hinder your progress by running in front of your squeaky shopping cart.
These three children managed to keep their booger laced fingers off my groceries and toiletries, they had more interest in the impulse buying items to the left and right of them. Their mother explained that they had Halloween buckets of candy at home, but this logic failed to register and the tantrum ensued.

Andy Kaufman - Might Mouse

I was just watching a Saturday Night Live top 100 moments while trying to get my butt going this morning, well it was morning when I started. I was able to catch the Andy Kaufman - Might Mouse moment and decided to share. It makes me laugh. Hopefully someone does something stupid at Wal-Mart today while I'm shopping, so I can blog about it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

This is a Perfectly Normal Situation

Who, in the name of Zeus's butt hole, arranges a grocery store with the soup in aisle 8 the ice cream aisle? I'm just asking because that's what held me up today. That's what brought my day to a screeching halt.
I'm thinking of getting myself a fake, in the ear cell phone so I can vocalize travesties such as this out loud. People would look at me and say,
"Did she just...... oh she's on the phone. She's not talking to herself, she's on the phone. It may look and sound like she's talking to herself, but there's someone on the other end of that ear thing just as outraged as she is. This is a perfectly normal situation. The soup is in the ice cream aisle? How many active brain cells do you need to know that's a bad idea?"
See everybody agrees with me.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

What's Inside Sue's Head?

Answering the door wrapped in a bath towel was not an option this morning, so the leaf raking guy next door took my dog to his back yard to play with his dog. I stuck my head out the door after drying and putting something on and yelled, "I was in the shower! Sorry!" You have to be careful with neighbors while not wanting to get the neighborhood gossiping about answering the door wrapped in a towel, I also have to let this guy know I'm not ignoring him. Neighborhood politics taken care of, I now had time to ponder my filled sinus cavities.

Italicized type will be known as my inside thoughts. The thoughts better left inside than out and since I try to keep a PG-13 blog, I'll use slang for the profanity laced arguments I have with the oblivious.

Huh! Didn't I just get finished with antibiotics for an effing sinus infection?
See I did this out of control sinus infection thing 3 years ago, it's all in my medical records. And this is what I told the other doctor in the office that took care of me instead of the one I saw 3 years ago because she's on vacation.

"Oh that was a few years ago, your records are in storage."
"We'll start you on these antibiotics....."
"a decongestant and you need to drink liquids to get that mucus to loosen up....."
'How many co-pays are you trying to get out this pal?'
"Lots of vitamin C."
'And back and forth to the gosh darn pharmacy to see what will work instead of digging through a closet to see what does. Three years ago when I did this shhh-stuff I had a blast, especially with the holidays coming up. I love to shop strung out on "may cause drowsiness" cold medicine, cough syrup and antibiotics.'

So waking up with another "eye popping out" headache didn't surprise me, just ticked me off. When I take the boys to their doctor, they have a complete medical history from birth to present on a laptop. Jiminy Christmas jump into the 21st Century for crying out loud.
I'll be taking matters into my own hands this afternoon. I kept records on the medications, x-rays, CAT scans and office visits from the last time this happened. I just have to remember where I stored the son of a puppies.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

That Wonderful Cough Syrup

Besides not operating heavy machinery while on that wonderful cough syrup with codeine, I recommend not operating a screw-driver. Especially a small one. If your towel rack falls off the wall it can wait until you're, for the lack of a better word, sober.
A hand towel rack comes with a small, hard to replace screw. I must have dropped that thing 16 times. But I kept finding it so I kept trying to "fix" the towel rack. I actually had a bead of sweat trickle down between my boobs. I usually would have given up way before that happened. But being under the influence gave me an incredible amount of patients. The towel rack is fixed but nothing else will get done today because of the time spent on that little screw.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

He’s Her Favorite

I’ve been doing the Kmart Lay-Away thing since the kids were little. I’ve put more Ninja Turtles in lay-away than you can shake a stick at. I’m not sure why you would shake a stick at anything but it’s the only reference that I could think of to get my point across. A lot of Ninja Turtles. I miss those days; now Boy #1 wants steel toe boots for Christmas. So along with sticking a glamorous pair of steel toe boots in lay-away I’m also going to grab a couple digital frames for the “hard to buy for” parents. The past few years the only things on their Christmas lists have been restaurant gift cards. Actually everybody wants gift cards. It’s like all we do is exchange money at Christmas anymore.
I wanted to buy digital frames last year and never did, which is a good thing because they seem to have gone down in price. At least at K-Mart they have. I just have to get the whole digital, technology idea past my mom. She’s anti-technology. If all she has to do is press a button she might warm up to the idea. The mother-in-law has pictures scattered all over the place, she’ll love a digital frame. She loves anything the husband gets her though, he’s her favorite. Shhhh don’t tell anyone.
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