Friday, April 29, 2011

"Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate"

If I couldn't be a writer, if for some reason I had to stop pursuing my dream, I would then create a job for myself and I'm sure I could get people to sign up with me. We would be the "Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate."

From Post Office to bank to McDonald's (don't judge me) I was almost hit by a car twice. A time period of less than 10 minutes, cause I drive fast. These two people didn't even look my way and I wasn't even using my invisibility cloak. They just didn't see my medium size CAR.

What would happen in a situation such as this if I were the leader of the "Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate" is I would immediately slam my portable siren on the roof of my car, just like Starsky and Hutch, and take off after them, in a high speed chase if necessary. I imagine we would need some stinking badges. We, meaning those I have recruited. Isn't it wonderful, you are a part of a plan that I'm making up as I go along, you're watching it unfold before your very eyes? It's always good to have a back up plan and my brain cells are firing on all cylinders today.

Along with our portable sirens and stinking badges we will carry compact, heavy duty shredders, for the drivers license's we will be confiscating. We will shred them on the spot, drop their car keys down the nearest sewer and tell the ex-driver to call a cab. That'll teach 'em, that'll teach 'em good. Who's with me?


Yes, I get very cranky when I almost get in a car accident because the driver isn't paying attention.

Thursday, April 07, 2011


Let me explain my absence. "Advanced" Creative Writing Class has been wonderful but also time consuming. I'm learning a lot, writing a lot and writing some more. Personal essays seem to be my thing and for some reason when I sit down to write an assignment it comes out serious, go figure. I thought I was a goof-ball writer but found I have a serious side of writing that is screaming to get out. I can't stop the words, they just keep coming. But I told my sister-in-law I'd make her laugh today. The last time I posted something on, I made her cry, so I owe her a laugh.


Boy #1 moved to Florida this past weekend. Actually that's how I made Debbie cry, writing about this. But that's the direction we're going, south. Along with all the unwanted advice we gave Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 before the big move, I also added,

"Now Boy #1, don't you come home to visit and call Pepsi a soda. You are a born and bred Northeast Ohioan, we say pop."

"I would never say soda."

"Damn right."

"I promise."

"No other part of the country calls it pop but us, nobody in the world does but us and we're damn proud of it, ya here?"

"Yes ma'am. Pop. Pop, pop, pop."

"That's mommy's boy. Now this is what I want you to do. You get yourself settled in Florida and then you convert the entire state into saying pop."

"I can do that. I'll keep a list."

"Yes, very good, a list. That's the way to think."

"They'll never know what hit them."

"And if it works......"

"It will work."

"We can send the other two off to different states."


"Downright diabolical."