Friday, December 03, 2010

Don't mess with the lemon lady

Sitting in the Arby's parking lot eating my lunch, I came to the realization that it may be some time before I ever breath through my nose again.
I sit in my car to eat lunch instead of inside. Yes, it's 30 degrees outside and I will be forced indoors soon but I'm generally an antisocial person and I don't want to talk to anyone if possible.
During the blessed holiday season who in the name of Zeus's butt hole has the time to go to the doctor? My nose has been put on hold while I shop, bake, decorate, wrap and play FarmVille. Unless of course I get a bad cough, then I'm going in to get that wonderful cough medicine that makes you high.
I can watch people just as well in the parking lot as I can inside Arby's, it's a little cold out here though. Some lady just parked her car, got in another car with a man in it and they drove off. Hmmm.........
I mentioned in my last post, here if you don't feel like scrolling down a few inches, that I tried Breath Rite Extremes and they stretched my nose in such a way that air got in and out. It was wonderful and I thought, "I'm going to buy a case of these sticky little miracles." Until I tried to get it off my face.
I like to go into Arby's on the drive-thru side, park there and watch almost accidents. Because for some reason people rounding the drive-thru, paying for their value meals, grabbing their value meals, well they seem to forget that there are any other cars moving in the parking lot. It's a hoot to see them come out of the fast food coma when they almost hit another car, they're clueless.
Breath Rite Extremes have enough adhesive on them to rip off your entire nose if you're not careful. In the morning-ish, I looked at my fat nose in the mirror. The Breath Rite Extreme was trying to break free on it's own, the corners were popping up. I have to tell you, I really looked like hell. I decided to take the thing off but wanted to keep my skin, it was proving to be quite a challenge. Water? Yes water. Ever so slowly the damn thing came off and I had a red welt across my nose. Very attractive.
The other reason I park on the drive-thru side of Arby's is that inside the restaurant they have a big bell that you can clang if you receive good service. When you clang it, all the employees say, "Thank you!" It's cool. One time I didn't clang it on my way out because I had to wait for them to slice a lemon for my ice tea and I had to ask them twice for my cherry turnover. I'm there almost every Friday, they should have my lemon ready.
So I'm quite certain I won't be buying a case of Breath Rite Extremes. After my shower I checked out my face again, specifically my nose, "Is that a booger?" No, it's adhesive. Holy crap, I washed my face with Biore Facial Scrub and there are still traces of the damn Breath Rite Extreme. Get the hell out of here, I'll just get addicted to nasal spray.
Today when I ordered my Arby's lunch, they had lemon sliced, ready and now call me the lemon lady. Clang, clang, clang!


Unfinished Rambler said...

First, I have to say you really drop a lot of brand names in this post. :)

Second, I understand about being called something after going to a store. I went to a local grocery store for about a year and always ordered a Southwestern chicken salad and I was called "the salad guy." At least, that's how I identified myself.

Symdaddy said...

Did I ever mention that I never get sick?

Never get 'man flu' of anything!

I have to 'pretend' to be ill ... not that I do ... ahem!

I've only been classed as a 'sicky' once (when I had pneumonia) in the last 7 years.

Better than 'breath rite' is onion!

Eat a few of them raw and hey presto! You can breath ... but no one wants to talk to you.

ReformingGeek said...

Zeus's butt? Snort.

Lemon Lady? Isn't that kind of sour?

Sorry about the honker. I hope you can breathe better soon.

00dozo said...

This was clever!

Sorry about your cold - I hear slathering mentholatum on your feet and covering them with socks (before you go to bed), helps clear congestion and/or works for coughs. I dunno which. Else, you can always walk around with a Vapo-Rub moustache.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I've used those Breath Rite strips for years. I hate them, but my wife says I snore less wearing them.

I don't like to socialize at lunch, either. Generally, I take out my book or newspaper and use extreme body language and mental telepathy to tell everybody not to bother me if they don't want a large Coke thrown in their face. It seems to work.

That, and the Breath Rite booger that's hanging from my nose.

Candice said...

Hmmm, snore like a cow at night or remove the very flesh from my nose?

I'm pretty sure you know which one I'd choose. Brent could invest in some earplugs if it annoyed him that much.

Suzanne said...

UR - I did drop a lot of brand names, but no links, they have to pay me for those. I should have checked Pay Per Post before I submitted this.

Symdaddy - I can't eat a raw onion, I just can't do it.

Carol - Zeus's butt hole, that's from The Rock with Sean Connery. The hooker is getting better.

00dozo - I've actually heard of that feet thing, just haven't worked up the nerve to try it.

Mike - I knew you were self confident enough to leave the breat rite boogers on your nose, I knew it.

Candice - The skin is sensitive there under your eyes. We can't be yanking on it every morning, it's better to snore.