Shit that happens in front of my house. The telephone pole.

I have decided to start a new series on my blog. Since loosing the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude, which I don't think I will ever get over, I feel my blog is lacking content. And the Russians have been quiet, maybe too quiet.

So let's go way back for my first entry in "Shit that happens in front of my house."
There was a time back in the day when the husband and I had only one kid, Boy #1 and we thought we were busy having a two year old. So after a day of chasing him around the house, we still don't know how he avoided having his chest of drawers smash down on him when he pulled the drawers out and made steps to climb to the top. But there he stood in the middle of his room with the entire piece of furniture toppled over. When he wasn't climbing things he was sticking whatever would fit into the VCR.
But that particular night we got him to bed and settled into our recliners for a quiet night and to watch a little TV. After about an hour we heard a big thud and crunch. Both of our heads snapped up. We looked at each other perplex. The husband was closest to the door. He jumped up and looked outside.
"Call the police."
"Wha..."
"Call an ambulance."
He was out the door before I could get anymore information. I would have liked more information, as I was about to make an emergency call and had no idea why. But I dialed,
"911 what's your emergency?"
"Uh, my husband and I just heard a loud bang in front of our house and he told me to call the police and an ambulance."
"Is someone injured ma'am?"
It was the 80's, I was tethered to a telephone cord. I had no idea what was going on.
"I don't know I can't see what's going on, I'm going by what my husband is yelling at me."
"Okay we'll send someone out."
"Thank you."
I hung up the phone and ran to the door. There I saw a car with it's front end wrapped around the telephone in our front yard. I also saw the husband, several neighbors, one of them an off duty cop. They were talking to a teenage girl. She was standing so I figured we might not need an ambulance. Then I saw the husband point to me at my front door. The girl walked my way and asked,
"Can I use your phone?"
Wide eyed and in awe I said,
"Sure."
I eaves dropped, off course. She was calling her dad. She got off the phone.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but I wrecked my dads car."
And she went back outside. 10 minutes later I had a man at my front door asking to use my phone. It was the dad and he was calling a tow truck. He was frazzled.
"Is everything alright?"
"Sure, she's fine the car isn't. My son just totaled my wife's car last week. He's fine, the car isn't. Teenagers. What are you going to do?"
He thanked me and left.
I decided to remain in the house,
1. because I was in my pajamas and
B. because I had a two year old that was amazingly still sleeping.
I waited for the husband to come back and fill me in on what I missed. He walked in the house shaking his head.
"What?" I asked.
"The cop two houses down got there right after me."
"Yeah?"
"We got her out of the car and she was fine. Asked her what happened and she told us she dropped her cigarette and was trying to find it when she ran into the pole."
Then he started to laugh,
"She says to me and the guy she didn't know was a cop not to tell the police that when they get here. She said she was going to tell them she miss judged the car parked on the street and swerved around it hitting the telephone pole. You should have saw her face when she found out George was a cop."

What side is my heart suppose to be on?

My heart can't take another Monday like the one I had this past week, Friday can't get here fast enough.

First I'd like to blame the government, they presented me with a jury duty summons. On my way to work after picking up my precious liquid that is mocha, I thought of my jury duty and then thought, "No!, Is it this week? Oh my God, am I suppose to be convicting felons today? Am I a felon now?" And then my heart slowly descended out of my throat as I realized that it's next week. Can I just ask one thing? Instead of drawing from a pool of registered voters, why not draw from the pool of unemployed, living off the backs of the working people, people? Why take me away from my job when there are people unemployed at home watching Oprah?

The next group of people to blame for my almost heart attack would be men. Just going to generalize on this one. I'm lumping you all in with the guy that shook me down deep into my very soul. The guy that thought it was funny to call me at work and pretend to be the police asking for me and inquiring about my car that was involved in an accident. He had no way of knowing my kids had just lost a friend in a car accident this past weekend, but how is that funny anyway? I sat at work thinking of this kids family, looking at the clock and realizing the funeral is starting in 5 minutes, a mom and dad and a brother were going to be saying goodbye to that 19 year old boy and I get a call from the comedian. I lost it at work and retreated to the ladies room for 10 minutes, letting the damn phone ring, hoping someone was answering it. Is lumping you all in with this guy fair, probably not, sorry.

And number 3 heart stopping group, the police. Ha. Maybe just their cars with those damn sirens. When you are innocently driving back to your "going nowhere" job, they pull out of a parking lot and put their sirens on, that makes your heart sink. Fortunately it wasn't me he was after.

So Monday my heart ending up in my throat, my stomach and broke into a thousand pieces. That can't be good. I'm not even sure it's worked it's way back to the right place in my chest. I pretty much gave up on keeping my brain intact but now I have to worry if my heart is secure in there.

Stay the hell out of my neighborhood when you get out of jail

I don't know anyone in this car, this kind of stuff just happens in front of my house a lot. And that's not my tree, it's my neighbors. Story below:

I can blog about this in a humor blog because amazingly the two intoxicated morons are fine and they didn't run over any of the millions of neighbors we have that push their babies in strollers, walk after their young children that still have training wheels on their bikes, the kids and adults alike that ride their bikes, the dog walkers, or the older couples that like to stroll hand and hand on a lovely summer evening before the sun has set. Before frigging 8:00 pm.

So to the two idiots that entered my development in such a manner that they took out a mailbox two doors down from my house, clip the next one, almost hit my kid who was talking to his friend at the end of our driveway and then crossed the street into my neighbors yard uprooting and cracking her pine tree in half:
Stay the hell out of my neighborhood when you get out of jail.

I saw the car go by and the look on Boy #3's face, heard the crash and saw him take off. He ran to the car and his friend called 911, I was right behind them. An off duty police officer ran over and took charge. But the cell phones came out and several pictures were taken. And we all got to watch the driver take her sobriety test and then watch the handcuffs go on. She got to sit in the back of the police car and watch her totaled car get towed away. The "OMG is this chick for real" passenger strolled over to the onlookers side of the street and struck up a conversation with Boy #3 and his friend. These two were under police orders to keep quiet until their statements could be taken. But I wasn't. "What were you drinking."
She rolled her eyes because she was in the middle of hitting on a witness to her BFF's crime. Seriously.
As the tow truck maneuvered around the wreckage "OMG is this chick for real" darted into the street, almost getting hit because she left her CD's in the car. I really don't think she knew what day it was and I really wish they would have threw her in the back of the police car too, really a lot, in fact I should have volunteered.

What did my 18 year old learn? He saw first handed, in living color, live, what happens when you drive drunk.
What did I learn? Boy #3 almost got hit my this idiot but was the first to the car to see if they were all right, never even hesitated. I told him, "You know what kind of person you are when an emergency happens and you are a wonderful, kind-hearted soul. You know that?"
"I think I got some glass in my foot."
He ran to the scene in barefeet, I stopped to put shoes on when the husband fell off the latter and broke his hand.

There is a Dead Deer Across the Street Laying Next to the Fire Hydrant

There is a dead deer across the street laying next to the fire hydrant. Just when I was wondering what I was going to blog about today I hear a thump outside my office window. Here is how the story unfolds so far, because if there is a dead deer laying across the street next to the fire hydrant, it isn't over.

While trying to generate traffic to my blogs I hear a thump. I'm situated just so in my home office that I get a clear view of the neighborhood without having to leave my computer. I'm Mrs Kravitz from Bewitched. But the thump would make anyone curious. I saw a deer stumble to the grass and fall. It tried to get up, but couldn't. I recognized the driver that stopped, one of Boy #2's friends, so I went outside. He started to walk towards the deer and the mother in me says,

"Don't get close to it!"

I brought him in the house and we called the non-emergency police.

Boy #2's friend said, "I'm going to go out and wait."

"Okay." I replied, "Hey, it was nice seeing you again."

This is when Boy #3 expressed some interest in the whole incident. With our noses pressed up to the window, we watched the police come and start talking to Boy #2's friend. We saw them start to walk towards the deer and then the policeman stopped and Boy #2's friend walked back to his car. See he must have told him not to get close to it too! The policeman stood over the deer for a few minutes. The deer was still trying to get up. We think the policeman was talking on a walkie-talkie. Boy #3 and I took our eyes off the drama that was unfolding in our front yard to question the voice of authority, the husband.

"They have to put it out of it's misery, how would they do that?"

That's when we heard the unmistakable sound of a actual gunshot in our front yard.

"Whoooa! Oh My God!"

"City girl." says the husband.

So there is a dead deer across the street laying next to the fire hydrant. I would like to think there is a plan for dead deer removal in our community, it isn't the first time a deer has been hit by a car around here, just the first time we've had a front seat view.

Yep, it's still out there.

Student Specialist in Car Insurance

I remember when our boys were babies, the husband and I were watching TV one summer evening when we heard a big bang in the front yard. He was closest to the door and I was closest to the phone, “Call the police!” We didn’t have 911 back then. Some teenage girl drove into the telephone pole in front of our house. I remember the look on her fathers face when he got to our house, after he found out she was all right. He looked at us and said, “Just wait until you have teenagers.” I suppose that is why they have sites that specialize in student car insurance. There is cost u less insurance to save frazzled parents some money!