Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This way I don't have to listen to you

A lot of bloggers write open letters as a post, I've never done one but today I feel compelled to do so, my life a leisure hangs in the balance.
I must address all the mom's of small children at community pools. My homeowners association forbids me to put a pool in my yard, so you, your children and I have to mingle all summer. I've come up with a few guidelines for you to follow.

1.) Sun screen, believe it or not, this can be applied to the child at home. That way when you get to the pool they can jump right in and I won't have to listen to you telling little Johnny to stand still when you slather him up and I won't have to listen to him whine about how you got it in his eyes.

2.) Cell phones, there's over a 50% chance that your child will drip on it, because you're at a pool, that big cement pond filled with water. There's over a 50% chance your hair will get wet too, actually everything you bring to the pool can and will get wet eventually, so put them in a plastic bag or don't bring them, this way I don't have to listen to you yell at your children for something that is your fault.

3.) Water-wings are stupid. If people trust you enough to carry your child around on land with out a parachute then you should be trusted to hold them in a pool without dropping them. If they are older put them in a pool that they can touch the bottom and teach them to swim, water-wings give a kid a false sense of security, teach them to rely on themselves, this way I don't have to listen to you and your child whine about putting them on.

4.) The Ice Cream Truck. When it parks itself in the swimming pool parking lot, commit to either always buying an over priced popcycle or never buying an over priced popcycle. There is no middle ground when it comes to the ice cream truck, this way I don't have to listen to your child badger you for $3.00 continuously.

5.) Marco Polo, take your children home if they play this stupid, God-forsaken game.....please.

I, in turn, will try to be quiet while I read my book.


Anonymous said...

I hate community pools. It's like an aquatic mine field. I hate being hot worse, though.

ReformingGeek said...

Ah, those were the days. I'm sure my mom hated being there with us. She was very happy when she could just drop us off!

I think it's hard to share a pool with kids. Period. Bless you for taking yours.

DouglasDyer said...

Marco! Marco! Anyone?

I am getting around this so far by using a small inflatable. (That's what he said) The little one loves it and the older one just wants to tan anyway.

Chris said...

I never understood the game Marco Polo. Or the explorer himself, for that matter. And why did he get the honor anyway? Woudn't it make more sense to use the Fountain of Youth guy?





Nooter said...

you know what little kids do in swimming pools? even i wont drink that...

The Johnson's Zoo said...

Ok, I admit that I am guilty of the first point, but I am totally with you on the others.

Leigh said...

I always sunscreen my kids at home before we go anywhere, and my sisters call me anal for it.

That bites that the homeowners assoc ruled out back yard pools!

Suzanne said...

Jamie - If they would just leave their kids at home.

ReformingGeek - We lived at the pool when the kids were little, they're part fish.

Doug - An even tan is very important.

Chris - Like I said Marco Polo is a stupid game.

Nooter - I try not to think of that.

The Johnson's Zoo - You can understand the logic in point number one, right? Save yourself a wrestling match and try it.

Leigh - Great minds think alike.

Skye said...

I so agree with you on all of these points! However, so saying, I don't go to public pools as I'm allergic to chlorine. I do go to the beach though, where I have to listen to all the same complaints.

The good thing about the beach though, is that the families with older children that know how to swim go to one end of the beach, while the families with younger kids go to the other. So saying, I don't have to put up with too much annoyance other than the "stop kicking sand on me when you run past" type stuff.

The over priced popcycle is easy to deal with for me as I never bring money to the beach as I don't want it to end up getting stolen. I do however bring my own treats which is plenty good enough for me and my kids. They are all old enough anyway to buy their own treats if they deem it necessary to bring money :D