I'm not an Alarmist but I am a Thinker

I am quite certain that by the time winter nears it's end, in Northeast Ohio that's April, I will be insane, but in a good way. Just remember I don't get out much and my posts lately are about me and the dog on our walks. So my imagination runs off on it's own at times and once I lose my grip on reality posts like this happen. I'm not apologizing, just warning you. Erv thinks I need to seek professional help.

_______________________________

I know what they're up to but I just don't know why. Obviously they are blocking off all our exits. "They" being the florescent yellow shirted "construction" workers and "our" being us, the community, the unsuspecting people of our development. Construction is in full force in our development. There are only two exits/entrances in and out of here. The dog and I have noticed an over abundance of detour signs the last few months. It has our spidey senses up a couple notches:
1. I think "they" are trying to confuse us with all the detours, one day the road closed sign is here the next it's there. Has no one noticed the hoops we are jumping through?
B. It's only a matter of time before they block both exits and feign ignorance. Then the florescent yellow shirts get switch with hazmat suits and were sitting ducks.
This means we will have to get out of here on foot and I'm not ready to shed my flip flop wearing days yet. I don't have a pair of hiking boots to wear when we head for the hills. I suppose I'll have to go doomsday shopping this weekend if there's still time.

From the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude Files #6,152

I don't know where the hell he is, I don't know. The last two times I've stopped in for the husbands 4 shirt Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude hasn't been there and to make things worse she hasn't either. There have been different Asians in there each time. I blame the husband. He's decided to go with polo shirts this summer and I don't think he's going to make the transition back to dress shirts for the winter. He seems quite comfortable. So he's wearing a dress shirt once, maybe twice a week. Cutting down my visits to the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dudes to barely two times a month.
With the huge language barrier I can't ask the "other Asians" WTF? Where are .......? I don't know their names. It's a dilemma, a worrisome dilemma. This could be the final chapter in the Scary Asian Dry Cleaning Dude Files. They are a constant source of blog fodder. I can walk into that Dry Cleaning establishment and walk out with an instant post. If my beloved, nameless dry cleaners are gone for good these new people better have something weird going on.

Next post, who the hell knows

There were a string of unfortunate circumstances that lead to the dog not getting her morning walk four days in a row. Which led to her unruly walk this morning. She doesn't understand "people problems" nor does she care to, it's all about her you know.
So I was ever so gently coaxed out of bed by the princess a half hour earlier than I would have liked. Actually I would have liked to get out of bed long enough to blow my nose, take a Tylenol Severe Sinus Pressure Caplet and drift of into an antihistamine induced sleep for the rest of the morning. But that was not to be. I did tell the dog while pointing to the window about the rain but she was relentless.
I got dressed, grabbed my phone, umbrella and the dreaded poop bag. It wasn't going to be a long walk but was sure to be eventful. Juggling a dog with pent up in the house to long issues and an umbrella was going to be a rude awakening, add a bag of poop and that's when the party begins.
I suppose it's her little way of trying to drag me out of my world of worry. You can't help but laugh at yourself as you walk down the street in the rain with the dog dragging you to an unknown destination, trying not to injure yourself with your umbrella as you take care of what she obviously has been saving up for me.
Next post, who the hell knows.

She's a known squirrel killer

The problem is the dog isn't a big fan of frolicking creatures that nature brings us to brighten our days. With the temperature cooling to the degree of "let's open the windows" Fahrenheit, we let the breeze and the crickets lull us to sleep. And in the morning we hear the birds chirping bringing us out of our slumber. It really is a sunshine and lollipops kind of atmosphere and adds a peaceful calm to the household.
But when a couple of geese decide to park themselves across the street from the house and squawk at irregular intervals, mayhem ensues. Since the dog is a known squirrel killer, she has an overwhelming sense of power when it comes to her turf. Her turf is basically the street we live on, if anyone dares walk their dog past our house she will let them know in no uncertain terms that they are intruding. She also has a white hot hate for skateboarders.

Wild animals really piss her off. They wander the neighborhood without boundries, she's jealous. So my morning and early afternoon consisted of squawks and barks, barks and squawks. The geese wouldn't leave until they were good and ready and now the dog is spent, sleeping it off on my bed, barely able to keep her eyes open. The know squirrel killer missed her mid-morning nap.

The Winn Dixie or Bust

Being a born and bred Northeast, Ohio native I can tell you that I am 92% sure that I have never visited a Winn Dixie. If I have, it was when I was young and on a family vacation. I may have been dragged in by my mother when we went south but in the recesses of my mind I cannot see a Winn Dixie in any corner of my brain. I may have blocked it out completely because when we were on a family vacation if I wasn't in the pool, I wasn't happy. I'm pretty sure I was a royal pain in the ass if we weren't swimming.
Our grown up vacation is getting closer, 5 weeks. We'll be in Florida to visit Boy #1 and Daughter-in-Law #1. Since the big trip is getting closer, plans are starting to form. I spoke with Daughter-in-Law #1 two days ago and told her that our hotel has a little kitchenette. And before I could say "groceries" she began to sing the praises of The Winn Dixie. She's taking me there to stock up my hotel kitchenette because, according to Daughter-in-Law #1, it's awesome. I'm stoked. Five weeks away from vacation and I already have a place to go. I've also requested to have breakfast at an I-Hop. Again, whether it's early Alzheimer's or I've led quite a sheltered life, I've never been to an I-Hop. Years ago before Lewis Black became popular I saw him on Comedy Central talking about going to the International House of Pancakes and decided I needed to go.

Jokes.com
Lewis Black - College Horse
comedians.comedycentral.com
Lewis Black Comedians Stark Raving Black Videos

I hope this video works I couldn't find it on YouTube, I might have to just give you the link.
So to recap, I will be in Florida in five weeks visiting the Winn Dixie and an I-Hop and I hear there's a beach around there somewhere too.

An idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction

I do believe I'm getting an early jump on:

Cabin fever it is an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in a small space, with nothing to do, for an extended period (as in a simple country vacation cottage during a long rain or snow). Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, paranoia, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark. The phrase is also used humorously to indicate simple boredom from being home alone.

Although I display none of the symptoms above I feel them coming on earlier than usual. Oh and I'm starting to talk to myself.

They took my car away or I'd shop. Something to do with gas spewing out of Boy #3's car. Isn't that funny how all of a sudden his car becomes inoperable once I become unemployed? And I can't seem to find my shoes. Something is going on around here and I don't like it. Maybe I should take a nap, I don't think I've had my nap today.

Being a freelance writer is hard work, all you do is write. I write all day, except for when I'm dehydrating bananas. You know for the Zombie Apocalypse? You have to travel light remember. See my last post if you don't know what I'm talking about. It's the next post down, you're not getting a link just scroll. The problem with these dehydrated bananas is that they are really good. I'm eating them as fast as I make them. I'm going to have to start making them everyday. But I don't have a car. Gah.

What day is it?

Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain't over yet.

Finally I got to watch Zombieland. This is kind of, sort of a movie review and has no business being on the is blog. But only 2 people read this one, so I'm thinking even less read View of Sue, I haven't posted there since May.
But I have an unhealthy fixation on Zombies and feel compelled to warn the world or the 2 people that read my blog, of impending doom.
Since I don't believe in coincidences, my frightful weekly trip to WalMart has lead me to the realization that we haven't much time. Learn these rules and know them well:

1. Cardio
2. Double tap
3. Beware of bathrooms
4. Wear seatbelts
6. Cast iron skillet
7. Travel light
8. Get a kickass partner
12. Bounty paper towels
15. Bowling Ball
17. Don't be a hero
18. Limber up
21. Avoid strip clubs
22. When in doubt, know your way out
29. The buddy system
31. Check the back seat
32. Enjoy the little things

I do know how to count to 10, this is a list from a Zombieland website. The character, Columbus has a list of zombie survival rules he came up with that helped him survive the zombie apocalypse hence becoming one of the very few survivors in America. Not all rules were mentioned, these are the ones that were.
Woody Harrelson plays Tallahassee and this is where I got spooked. Tallahassee is in search of a Twinkie, throughout the whole movie he's looking for the last Twinkie in America. The rest of the world is just not mentioned in this movie. They are either going through their own zombie apocalypse, continent by continent or the good ol' U.S. of A is on their own as usual.
Let's get back to the Twinkie. I finally get these boys of mine to watch Zombieland with me after we got rid of the husband for the night. He had to work late but refuses to watch Zombie movies, he's going to be the first to fall prey I fear. I thought it would be funny to buy a box of Twinkies while shopping today. Aisle after aisle I filled my shopping cart with the essentials, bread, milk, Pepsi, a head of lettuce, dog treats, Peach Daiquiri with alcohol in it that you just freeze and enjoy, cheese, hamburgers, and the list goes on for a weeks worth of food. All the while keeping an eye open for Twinkies. I doubled back and back again, "Where's the effing Twinkies?"
I've come to the conclusion that people are stock piling Twinkies, coincidence, I think not.
This is Reminderville, Ohio saying good night.

The unmistakable sound of chaos ensuing in the kitchen

There is always a small sense if loss when you break a dish or a glass while you are in the kitchen doing said dishes. It's an "Oh damn it, now I have to clean up shards of glass" moment. And sometimes "Damn there goes the set" moment.

Close your eyes and picture, if you will, the very top shelf of dishes. Got it? Okay. I was unloading the dishwasher and I reached up to put a glass bowl away, everything on this particular shelf was glass, can you see where this is going?

One of the little dohickeys that holds up each corner of the shelf popped out sending the entire contents of the shelf careening down to my head, the counter top, inside of the dishwasher and then onto the floor.

"Oh damn it, now I have to clean up shards of glass."

Taking into the fact that I've had several small accidents this summer, I'm starting to fear for my life.

The unmistakable sound of chaos ensuing in the kitchen aroused the attention of the husband. He rushed in and took a bowl off my head, then paused. I don't know if he just didn't know where to start or was taking in the scene unable to comprehend what had happened. Once he saw my face I believe he regained control because he started throwing broken pieces in to a bag, fast. He was avoiding my inevitable reminiscing of the broken pieces. Because everyone knows that the top shelf holds objects of things not often used or the "good stuff." He was diffusing a situation, which he's very good at. He turned the conversation into that damn dohickey and where the hell was it?

I'm not certain of just how much I lost during the kitchen chaos. I suppose I'll find out when I go to reach for something up there and realize it's missing. Also I'm walking around barefoot today so I'm sure my next post will be that of how I stepped on a piece of glass I missed when I was cleaning up shards of glass.

Bringing funny back

I think I got it back. I emerged out of my hermit-like existence today, if only for an hour, but out of the house and away from my computers. Thank you Harry for the link, it helped more than you will know. Things drop in your lap when you need them, this I steadfastly live by because they are the gentle nudges towards your path in life.

Less than a week of being jobless and I expected the money to come pouring in, patients my precious. Yes, I've already begun to talk to myself, but just one extra voice in my head and I think that one has always been there anyway.

My joblessness is explained here on http://www.skirt.com/. FaceBook had a reminder on my wall to fill in my place of employment, so today I filled it in. Unpublished Freelance Writer and I made myself the President/CEO.

While I write I've also decided to get back into eBay, so anything that has dust on it around here is getting listed. I also have those T-Shirts I made but I'm having trouble with the link where you can vote for it. I'll be working on that. Ebay and the T-Shirts are on the left column of this blog.

My list of writing pieces is growing. The next one to write is, honest to God, hand on the bible, when I was ask for my ID at WalMart. I was innocently buying a sinfully delicious Peach Daiquiri frozen slush mix, which reminds me I have to go buy a case of them, and the young man ringing me up asked for my ID. And he was serious, really. I pretended to be hard of hearing so he had to say it again, louder.

What is now known as the knee incident

If we'd all adhere to basic driving laws of the road then I wouldn't have a bathroom counter filled with various wound paraphernalia, damn it. If drivers in their SUV's would realize that their windows are tinted a tad and a person on a bike cannot necessarily see if they are being "waved through" then I wouldn't be screaming in the husbands ear as he pours peroxide on my knee, damn it.

It's totally half the SUV drivers fault that the rest of my summer is ruined. I will take partial blame for carrying a beach bag and a can of Mountain Dew while riding my bike on my way home from the pool. But if the indecisive driver would have just, you know, made a decision at the stop sign, I would not have had to stop abruptly and wipe out my knee. It's a mess and I'm not going to look good at the pool or in shorts the rest of the summer, damn it. It's unbecoming, a bandaged up knee, you know.

Cat fight at the pool but no Russians

Well I had other plans here at the pool today but when you have two girls arguing behind you, invading your every waking thought then they must be made fun of and made fun of they will.

If you are going to argue with each other and mom on the cell phone to audible levels as such that every one at the pool can hear, I believe your words are up for grabs.

I think a friendship may be crumbling right behind my back. One of them is trying to explain that "plans change" and the other one is trying to explain "her side of the story". Now one is on the phone trying to find a way home. It's a small community, walk off your frustration honey.

Thank you God for the bazillionth time for giving me boys.

Can I just go off topic here for a minutes? A family just walked in and was pool-ready as soon as they dropped their stuff. They must be reading my blog or they are as pool savvy as I am. Bravo pool savvy family. There is hope for all humanity, I've righted the world.

The girls have quieted a tad or they are getting drowned out by all the people that have been filtering in. Or someone is actually drowning them to shut them up. I have to admit the thought crossed my mind. Either that or just bang their heads together. Banging heads together works with boys. Does it work with girls?

With the girls incisive yapping quelled, I was able to get to the matter at hand, check on the Russians. I didn't hear anybody say vodka so it was safe to say the pool was Russian free today, at least while I was at my post.

Monitoring suspicious behavior at the pool continues

Someone has to do it and I've taken it upon myself to keep an eye on things while I lay here tanning and swimming.

I think one of the Russians are here and I have eyes on her don't you worry. She's a very large woman and she's been in the pool the entire time I've been here. Over two hours in the pool, she's going to wrinkle up pretty good. I think she's exercising.

Since I've had her under surveillance she started off circling the perimeter of the pool, no doubt on a scouting mission. Who does she think she's fooling? Now she's walking back and forth, from one side of the pool to the other, she got in the way of my laps. Actually some Americans got in the way of my laps too. I wanted to say to them all,

"Hey! I'm swimmin' here!"

Pardon my digression.

I made sure when in close proximity of the exercising Russian, I made eye contact. At least I think I did, we both had sunglasses on. She also had on a baseball cap. Suspicious? Damn straight. I'm going to have to come back here tomorrow now, just to keep an eye on things.

But now I must get going and give up my surveillance post, I have to get over to WalMart and check up on the morons. My work is never done.

Fun filled family freakin day at the pool

I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to pass along my infinite wisdom. And when I'm done with this post you will stop and say,

"Wow, she's so smart."

I'm an expert at going to the pool. I've been going to the pool since I was a kid. My grandmother use to take Erv and me, she'd sit and people watch with her bright red lipstick on so her lips wouldn't get sunburned and she wore a big floppy hat. And when we'd say,

"Grama! Watch this!." She would.

That's where I would like to start, then we'll talk sun screen. Here's the thing, when your kids are in the pool and they say,

"Hey mom/dad/grandma/grandpa! Watch this." Five times in a row, look up from your cell phone and watch whatever stupid thing they are doing so the rest of us don't have to listen to, 'Hey mom/dad/grandma/grandpa! Watch this.' Five times in a row. You know what? Just put your cell phone away and keep on eye on you children at all times. Those "lifeguards" are paid minimum wage.

Now the sun screen. This is going to make so much sense to you when I'm done. Put the sun screen on your children before you get to the pool. I can't stress this enough. When you come to the pool with more than one child and they still need sun screen slathered on them, do yourself a favor and just let them burn. I continue to be amazed at parents that file into the pool for a fun filled family day and they stop their children from jumping in with the rest of the kids. Why? Because before they can have any fun they have to be disappointed, start crying and be yelled at by their stressed out mom.

"You can't go in that pool until I put sun screen on you, WAIT!"

While you struggle with one child the others are inching their way towards the waters edge. You are not going to be able to catch them because your hands are full of sunscreen and the partially gooped kid thinks he's done when you go to catch the ungooped ones. The gooped one is slippery now you'll never get him back. See the chaotic situation you and you alone created? Tell me slathering them up at home doesn't make sense.

There is so much more I can teach you but I don't want to come off as preachy. Just remember one other thing, teach them how to play Marco Polo and I will hunt you down like a rabid dog.

Rocket Ships, Aliens, Mother Ship and Benedryl

You can't just say a rocket ship drove by my house and not have proof to back it up. So guess what? A rocket ship drove by my house today.

This is further proof that my neighborhood has run amok. That rocket ship is filled with unsuspecting, poor saps that think they are on a summertime joy ride. We will probably never see them again. I'm sure they will be beamed up to the Mother Ship if they haven't already.

There is something suspicious going on at the pool too. Friday, after work, I ran, literally ran to the pool for some time in the sun because I believed the internet weather channel. I believed them when they said it would be partly cloudy all weekend. Today, Saturday was beautiful. But back to Friday, I got to the pool and no one was in my "spot". Being a creature of habit or slightly OCDish I freak out if I have to set up my stuff in a different spot, so life was good to me that Friday afternoon or so I thought.

I stay up too late on the week nights, because of writing, so by Friday I'm tired. I fell asleep in my spot and was wakened by a itchy painful bite of a flying alien bug. I swatted it off my leg and went for a swim. Came back to commence the tanning process, the other side. This is when I started to wonder why I could see my cheek. My left cheek under my left eye was starting to protrude. I moved my face muscles and it hurt, the area around my left eye did. I gathered my stuff and went home while I could still see. On the bike ride home my left leg started to hurt and I could see several welts. Damn it they got me.

Upon further inspection when I got home I discovered the left side of my face was swollen and it hurt to walk. In the morning the swelling had gone down but everything hurt. The sun was also shining brightly. Somebody had to go to that pool and show that bug who was boss so I was there when it opened. And now I have a swollen ankle. The aliens have successfully injected me with their GPS nanobots and I'm afraid will abduct me at any time. It was nice knowing all of you, maybe they'll let me keep posting up there on the Mother Ship.

If it wasn't for being hopped up on Benedryl all weekend I don't know how I'd make it.

Hey mom! When's the last time I had a tetanus shot?

"Mom?"

"I heard you." I heard him, Boy #3. I was just stalling.

"When?"

"Didn't I stop being responsible for you when you turned 18? What are you now 19 ish?"

"Well back when you were responsible for me, did you keep some kind of records on my health and well-being?" he says as he takes off his blood soaked sock.

"Whoa, wait." Both of my hands did the big time out there kid, "Whoa, where are you putting that sock? Put it in the garbage."

"But..."

"Garbage! You better clean that out good and you're going to need a tetanus shot."

"But when is the last time...............?"

"If you can't remember, then it's time for one." I have no idea where his immunization records are, not a clue.

"You can't remember?"

"Honey, I can't remember your name most of the time. Why do you think I gave you a number?"

I sent him off for a tetanus shot and while he was gone decided to look for records saying that he exists. While I didn't find his immunization records I did find mine, huh. It appears I'm in need of a tetanus shot.

I can't see, I just can't see

I waited long enough, Blogger is not going to retrieve my lost post, I must recreate it. That sucks.
I think it all started at the eye doctors, yes, I remember. When she puts that eye glasses making contraption in front of your face and says, "Does it look better now or now, now or now?" That is the only time I can actually see. Once she gives me the contacts that are suppose to make me see the world in a whole new light, it goes downhill from there.
And just so we are clear, not seeing clear, but clear on the fact that Erv got bifocals before me, one week before me, so I'm aging better than him obviously.

"Here's what I'm going to do," says my eye doctor. "Your left eye's astigmatism is worse, I'm going to adjust that and the astigmatism in you right eye is hardly there anymore."

"Wha.."

"I'm going to give you a regular lens for the right eye with a bifocal. With the left eye you will still have the lens for reading and the right eye will be for seeing far but you'll have that extra help to see close up."

"Okay." She kept saying I was going to see, so I agreed with her.

"Go put these samples in and make a follow up exam, any problems call me before Monday, I'm going on vacation."

Here's the thing I couldn't see and the other thing, kind of funny when you think of it, I had to renew my driver's license in less than a week.
"I can't see." I explained to the eye doctors office worker.
"We can get you in Wednesday at 10:00 am."
"Nope, I work."
"How about Saturday at 8:30 am?"
"Nope, I sleep."
"Ma'am, she's going on vacation."
"Okay, I guess I just won't see until my follow up exam, precious."
The next day I called again and explained that I couldn't see and the doctor said if I had any trouble to call, I'm having trouble and lots of it. She put me on hold, came back and said the doctor will have a new set of trial lenses waiting for me to pick up. I couldn't see with the newer ones either. WTF! I put my old contacts in and took my chances at the DMV. I was asked if my address was the same, height, weight of course my weight is the same as when I was 16, duh.
"Will you move over to the eye exam please? Right eye first, okay read line 4 on the right side."
"L P H E"
"Good, remember to let me know when you see the flashing lights."
"Oh, I saw them, sorry I forgot."
"Read line 3 on the right."
"H T S I" and I waved my Spirit Fingers when I saw the light.
"Good, let's go to the left eye, read line 4 on the left."

I waved my Spirit Fingers and squinted, "Okay here's the thing."

"Mono vision?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"We get you kind of people all the time."

A message to my children

And when I say children I don't just mean the numbered Boys, this is for the daughter-in-law, the girlfriends and the one that calls me mom, I'll call him Nick. Mother's Day is Sunday and since you all did so well with my presents for Christmas, I wanted to make sure you didn't blow it for Mother's Day and my Birthday for that matter, which is the following Saturday. I really made out pretty good at Christmas didn't I?
All of you have jobs, some of you have more than one job, money should be no object. I know that gas prices are on the rise but if you just drive less this month you should be able to make this a Mother's Day to remember.
Did I mention that if I averaged out the time I was in labor with Boy #1, Boy #2 and Boy #3, it would be about 12 hours each?
See me or call for my list. Remember mommy loves you.

"Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate"

If I couldn't be a writer, if for some reason I had to stop pursuing my dream, I would then create a job for myself and I'm sure I could get people to sign up with me. We would be the "Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate."

From Post Office to bank to McDonald's (don't judge me) I was almost hit by a car twice. A time period of less than 10 minutes, cause I drive fast. These two people didn't even look my way and I wasn't even using my invisibility cloak. They just didn't see my medium size CAR.

What would happen in a situation such as this if I were the leader of the "Take Away Your Driver's License Conglomerate" is I would immediately slam my portable siren on the roof of my car, just like Starsky and Hutch, and take off after them, in a high speed chase if necessary. I imagine we would need some stinking badges. We, meaning those I have recruited. Isn't it wonderful, you are a part of a plan that I'm making up as I go along, you're watching it unfold before your very eyes? It's always good to have a back up plan and my brain cells are firing on all cylinders today.

Along with our portable sirens and stinking badges we will carry compact, heavy duty shredders, for the drivers license's we will be confiscating. We will shred them on the spot, drop their car keys down the nearest sewer and tell the ex-driver to call a cab. That'll teach 'em, that'll teach 'em good. Who's with me?

___________________________________________

Yes, I get very cranky when I almost get in a car accident because the driver isn't paying attention.

Pop

Let me explain my absence. "Advanced" Creative Writing Class has been wonderful but also time consuming. I'm learning a lot, writing a lot and writing some more. Personal essays seem to be my thing and for some reason when I sit down to write an assignment it comes out serious, go figure. I thought I was a goof-ball writer but found I have a serious side of writing that is screaming to get out. I can't stop the words, they just keep coming. But I told my sister-in-law I'd make her laugh today. The last time I posted something on http://www.skirt.com/, I made her cry, so I owe her a laugh.

______________________________________

Boy #1 moved to Florida this past weekend. Actually that's how I made Debbie cry, writing about this. But that's the direction we're going, south. Along with all the unwanted advice we gave Boy #1 and Daughter-in-law #1 before the big move, I also added,

"Now Boy #1, don't you come home to visit and call Pepsi a soda. You are a born and bred Northeast Ohioan, we say pop."

"I would never say soda."

"Damn right."

"I promise."

"No other part of the country calls it pop but us, nobody in the world does but us and we're damn proud of it, ya here?"

"Yes ma'am. Pop. Pop, pop, pop."

"That's mommy's boy. Now this is what I want you to do. You get yourself settled in Florida and then you convert the entire state into saying pop."

"I can do that. I'll keep a list."

"Yes, very good, a list. That's the way to think."

"They'll never know what hit them."

"And if it works......"

"It will work."

"We can send the other two off to different states."

"Diabolical."

"Downright diabolical."

I have this ball bouncing around in there, smacking the sides of my skull and rolling around my brain rendering me an idiot

I know I have a lot of male commentors so there's a good chance you missed my post at www.skirt.com, it's a woman's online magazine that has politely accepted my request to blog for them. So what did I do? I posted about boy stuff. I'm just a rebel and I'm never, ever, ever gonna be any good. Now go read this post so you can follow along with the rest of this one. So I guess I have a "Bracket" now?

Apparently "it" is starting again, tonight. The madness I mean. If I have one more guy explain the crazy world of Brackets to me again my brain will explode. You know how it is when you really don't give a flying crap about a particular subject? Or your brain is too busy to process useless information. Or no matter how hard you concentrate you're just never going to get, oh say the Flux Capacitor, Quantum Physics or March Madness NCAA College Basketball Brackets.
The information that is being forced into my brain, because I was foolish enough to listen to the guy at work and fill out a bracket, cause it's free, is giving me brain damage. This information is going in and I think because I can't process it, has formed into a ball of useless knowledge. Without the ability to understand the bracket concept or just not wanting to, I have this ball bouncing around in there, smacking the sides of my skull and rolling around my brain rendering me an idiot.
How much longer does the Madness last? I use my brain almost everyday and have become very fond of it, I'd really like to keep it intact as much as possible. I've got myself closed in my office at the moment. Eventually I'll have to use the facilities. Do I have to avoid my family all weekend?
The guy at work, the one that started this, I have him under control. He doesn't speak of it. Would you like to know why? Cause I'm kicking his ass, that's why. He's going down. He's probably out of it already. A girl is beating him, me.